Post your best short joke...

[The Hopkinator]

The written one....

heres an opener: TChelle will like this one...

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident on a snowy, cold

Monday morning; it's a bad one. Both

of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are

hurt. God works in Mysterious ways.

After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man.

That's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's

nothing left, but we're unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we

should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of

our days".

Flattered, the man replies, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely, this

must be a sign from God!"

The woman continues, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car

is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely

God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune." Then she

hands the bottle to the man.

The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle

and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle and

immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.

The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"

The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police.... "

MORAL OF THE STORY:

Women are clever, evil things. Don't mess with them..

 

[2nd Mustang]

Borrowed from Henny Youngman (I think).

"My wife isn't pretty, my wife isn't ugly, she's sort of in the middle, she's pretty ugly!"

 

[big block 460]

i thought you said short hop lol j/p

 

[t_chelle16]

MORAL OF THE STORY:
Women are clever, evil things. Don't mess with them..

Mwah ha ha ha!

-Chelle

 

[Ozsum67]

"The Camel Joke"


There where this Shiek who was driving down the desert highway and came upon a arab guy on foot. He signaled the driver to stop and give the poor guy a lift. The arab guy was thankful, and asked why it was so cold it the limo. The Shiek didn't think the arab would understand the mechanism of refridgeration, so he just told the arab...."the faster we go, the colder it gets." Well, when they got to the oasis, the arab got out, and went over to a used camel salesman and got another camel He set out across the desert, and wasn't long before he was hot. Remembering what the Shiek said about faster is colder, he started whipping the crap out of the old camel and before long was indeed getting cooled off. Not long after that, the poor camel collapsed and died. The arab got off the dead animal, scratched his head and said................................."Damn, froze to death."

 

[gp001]

"Eleanor"

Sorry Hop, couldn't resist the temptation

 

[The Hopkinator]

"Eleanor"

Sorry Hop, couldn't resist the temptation

Okay heres another one...

This guy and his daughter are working in the garden. The little girl spots a pair of daddy long legs. She says to her father, "Daddy, what kind of bug is that on top? " Her father says, "Honey, thats a Daddy long legs". The little girl then asks what the bugs are doing. The father says , " Well, honey, they are mating". The little girl says, "ohhhhh, ok. So thats a Mommy long legs on the bottom then." Her father smiles and says , "No Angel , thats a Daddy long legs too. " The little girl cocks her head, then quickly stomps them both dead and says" Well we aint havin none of that s...t in OUR garden !."

 

[2nd Mustang]

.....and one from the web.

Two blondes (no offense intended) are walking on a sidewalk and find a mirror on the ground. The first blonde lady picks up the mirror and looks into it and says, "Gee, that person looks familiar". The second blonde woman says, "Let me see it", so the first lady hands the mirror over to the second lady. The second lady looks into the mirror and says, "Oh you silly person, of course you know who it is, it's me!"

 

[2nd Mustang]

...I'm on a roll.

.....and one from a retired supervisor I used to work for, he was a crack up.

A gardner was mowing a lawn and he lost control of the mower and it ended up in the neighbor's pool. He stood at the edge of the pool wondering what to do. The neighbor came out and said "Don't worry, I'll get it", so he gets a diving mask and jumps into the water. He grabs the starter handle and starts pulling on it at the bottom of the pool. The gardner is watching and laughing. The gardner tries to yell to the guy in the pool, "No, no you're doing it all wrong, PULL THE CHOKE"!

 

[t_chelle16]

Post your best short joke...

-Chelle

 

[TireSmoknWindsr]

A man is driving down the road when he sees a mexican hitchhiker and pulls off. Mexican gets in and thanks the driver and they take off down the road. They feel a bump and the Mexican says "hey miiiister, I tink you hit a cat" driver"how can you tell?" Mexican "because I heard him say meow-wow" So they drive on down and feel another bump. Mexican "Hey miiiister, I tink you hit a dog" Driver"Oh really?" Mexican "Yes, I heard him say bow-wow" Well...they get on down the road and feel a really big bump. Mexican "Hey miiiister I tink you hit a man from Florida" Driver "Now wait just a sec, how can you tell I just hit a man from Florida?!" Mexican "I heard him say something about Sunny Beaches"

 

[tylers65]

Borrowed from George Carlin

I have never had a "10". But once, I had 5 "2's".

 

[paintballtommy]

how do you know your a grease monkey?




when after you shower the soap is dirty

lol i just made that up. and it sucked. its one of those things where you had to be in my mind for it to be funny.

 

[65fastback2+2]

how do you know your a grease monkey?




when after you shower the soap is dirty

lol i just made that up. and it sucked. its one of those things where you had to be in my mind for it to be funny.

from reading it, i dont think any of us would dare touch your mind.

 

[Roddster67]

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?

One is made of plastic and is dangerous around small children, the other holds your groceries!

 

[rbohm]

here are a couple for chelle;

what is the fastest way to a mans heart?

straight through the chest with a sharp knife.


what is the difference between men and government bonds?

government bonds mature.

 

[dolfan87]

How many evolutionists does it take to change a light bulb?

None, they just wait for it to change itself.

 

[zookeeper]

It's not short, but it's still one of my favorite jokes:
A So Cal surfer was sick of being treated like an idiot, so he figures he needs an education. He tells a fellow surfer about his plan, and asks him to go to the local community college with him while he signs up. His bud agrees and off they go. They get to the local college, and the surfer's buddy feels a bit self-conscious, and decides to sit in the van and wait. So the surfer heads off to sign up and while waithing in line, he strikes up a conversation with another student. "Is this your first time at college?" asks the student. "Sure is 'bro", what classes do I need to take?" The student tells him that he should take math, art and logic." What's logic?" asks the surfer. "Well, logic is a way of arriving at a conclusion given a few facts, for instance, do you have a lawn mower?" asks the student. " You bet! my Dad gave me his old mower last year". The surfer says with enthusiasm. "Well then you are a heterosexual. I came to that conclusion since to have a mower, you must have a yard, to have a yard, you must have a home, and since 80% of all men only maintain their yard to satisfy their women, you are therefore a heterosexual male" After pondering this information, the surfer deems the student a genius, signs up for his classes and heads out to the van, where his friend awaits. "What'd you sign up for?" asks the buddy. "Math, art and logic" says the surfer proudly. "What's logic?" asks his bud. "I'll show you", he says, anxious to show off his new found wisdom. " Do you have a lawnmower?" the surfer asks his buddy. "No", the buddy says. The surfer exclaims, "Dude! You're a homo!"

 

[Edbert]

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?

One is made of plastic and is dangerous around small children, the other holds your groceries!

How do you know when it's bedtime at Neverland?

It when the big hand touches the small hand.

 

[slo65]

hey i thought this thread was pretty cool, so i'll chime in, again no offense intended


why did the blonde nurse carry around a red pen?



so she could draw blood! ahhh i crack myself up, and i have a ton of racy jokes, but i'll refrain from those