Okay, rant warning, there you have it . . . read on at your own risk. LOL!
I’ll start off by saying I’ve hunted before. I’ve killed animals for food. I really have no problems with the practice, and I see it as having some level of value to all concerned parties. As a capitalist, I FULLY acknowledge that 10 hunters are better for saving their local environment than 1,000 tree huggers. The tree huggers will walk around and enjoy “free” nature while demanding you pay more taxes to provide them a “free” place to . . . enjoy nature. Hunters will pay a buh-jillion taxes and fees to keep hunting grounds open . . . OR they’ll just buy the land outright and refuse to develop it. Eh, it is the way of things.
About this time every year, I’m always amazed at the fanatical, dare I say it, LUST some people have for deer hunting. It’s just, I dunno. I just don’t get it.
I suppose I could understand the whole fascination if killing a deer was some kind of elusive achievement like say a hole in one (GOLFING!) or a perfect baseball game. Or I could see it if killing a deer netted 400 pounds of fine meat to feed the family for the price of one round. Sadly, neither are the case. Around here, at least, killing deer is as easy as driving a 1976 LTD around between 5AM and 9AM. Seriously, we have a bloody ton of them.
Maybe killing a deer would be more, eh, impressive if they were particularly difficult to kill like they were amazingly tough OR you had to hit them “just right”. Eh, our deer are 150 pounds or so, some bigger for sure, but we ain’t talking Alaskan Mule Deer here. We’re talking highly populated whitetail. Also, I’m in the “rolling hills” of Tennessee i.e. most normal shots are 50 to 200 yards. Yeah, MAYBE you get a 300 yard shot if you’re hunting some farmland. We AIN’T taking 700 yard shots from the peak of Mount Reindeer across the valley to Mount Comoniwannalayya at mountain goats. And our whitetails aren’t armored nor do they wear Kevlar, have invisibility suits, or can do the Matrix thing.
All those things considered, I’m ASTOUNDED at what guys carry to hunt with. When I was a kid, it was only legal to hunt with a shotgun in my county. The neighboring counties, however, could use rifles. Almost EXCLUSIVELY everyone shot a .30-30. Eh, why not? A few guys who hunted all over shot .270’s or even a .30-06 for the traveling hunters. Now, though, HOLY CRAP . . . I see .300 Win Mags, 7mm mags, and crap like that. On the other end, there are guys shooting .220 Swifts and all kinds of other hypersonic mini-rounds. All of these guys have scopes made by Nikon, Swavorski, and hell, a couple made by some company called Hubble. Having a thousand bucks in a gun is nothing. If you’re a REAL man, you have one of those scopes that hooks to your iPod and calculates distance, bullet drop, and windage . . . and adjusts your scope for you.
Of course, you have to consider the cost of the gear, too. You HAVE to have a ghille suit customized for your area. And you can’t get out there unless you have a Gator or some other $10k-ish ATV. They’re handy even in the off-season, though, because you can use them to go out and check for deer trails . . . and download your game cam footage monitoring deer movement . . . oh, and you have to refill the deer feeders. It’s cheaper than driving your $42,000 4WD all over, too. You can just leave it at the highway with the $3,000 trailer, dump off the ATV, and you’re ready to get back to nature. With any luck, you’ll maintain a good 3G signal in case you need to check herd movements.
Okay, maybe I’m a little over the top with this, but . . . no, wait. No, not really. I’m not on this one. People spend IMMENSE amounts of money to . . . shoot a deer. No, not just shoot a deer, kill a deer. Even better, depending on what gun you pick, you can blow chunks off the deer, take out whole pieces of the animal and spray them all over the woods, and toss the body 10 to 20 feet away from where it was standing. And to soften up the image, we call it “harvesting” the deer.
It’s all about the illusion, I think, for many hunters. I think many of them are up in their stand and feel connected with nature. They feel like they are touching spiritually with their forefathers who fed their families with a muzzleloader and faith. That’s what some of them post on Facebook . . . from their 3G phones . . . in their stands, at least. But hey, that’s cool.
Another illusion is that they’re a needed part of nature . . . a predator thinning the herd like God and Mother Nature intended. Without the good and noble hunter, disease and famine would ravage the herd. Errrr, sure. The only problem is that I’ve never heard a hunter saying “I was in my stand this morning, and I saw a 10 point buck walk out, and behind him was an old doe. She was coughing, and one of her legs was broken. I harvested her because the weak, sick, and injured must be removed. The big, strong buck, I let go to keep the herd strong.” More than likely, the old doe is still out there spreading some disease, and the buck is headed to the taxidermist to be mounted like a drunk sorority girl. And therein lies the illusion. Humans aren’t like natural predators . . . not at all. We kill the strong, the good looking, and generally, the fertile. People don’t kill the sick and injured. AT BEST, the guy would have shot the sick deer AFTER he shot the buck. Humans kill a trophy buck to hang on the wall or a “tender doe” for eating . . . neither of which, most likely, would fall prey to a predator. And for icing on the cake, the reason THE OLD DOE is still alive and hasn’t been eaten by wolves or coyotes is because, well hell Bubba, we kilt all them off years ago. THEY WERE EATING ALL THE DEER! Sunzabishes . . . And now without natural predators, we must step in to save the poor, sick deer from overpopulation. Yeah . . .
My favorite illusion, though, is that so many hunters tell themselves that they love hunting because they enjoy being in the woods, getting close to nature, and they really have learned to appreciate the beauty of God’s creations. Anytime I hear that crap, I always ask this question. “If you went out to your favorite place, got in your stand, and realized that you forgot to bring ammo, would you go back home and get some, or would you just enjoy nature?” Without fail, they always say they’d go home and get ammo. “So, basically, it’s not worth doing unless you can kill something?” Typically they backtrack, but let’s face it, these people aren’t out there because nature is beautiful, and they get the warm and fuzzies watching the deer bounce around. It’s about killing an animal. It’s not about cunning and skill, per se. If it were, hunters would shun the technology. For most, it’s about killing an animal . . . and with any luck, it’s the biggest animal they can find . . . and DEFINITELY bigger than that other guy’s deer. Afterall, that’s what nature is about . . . rooting out the biggest, the strongest, the fittest, and the most likely to survive animal . . . and killing them . . . right?
I fully admit there are good, ethical hunters out there. One of the families at our karate school is like that. Fudge, they hunt EVERYTHING, but they eat all they kill . . . and wear it . . . and make jewelry from it . . . and sell the rest for rendered ingredients. Fudge, they kill a pig and use everything but the oink. THAT BEING SAID, eh, I think most hunters just enjoy killing something. It’s not about nature, love of the outdoors, or any of that. It’s about ending that life. The power under their finger . . . the rush . . . and the bragging back at the bar or whatever. Men who can’t program their own VCR or figure out how their remote control works learned QUICKLY how to take a picture of a dead deer with their cell phone and post it to Facebook! Motivation, my brother . . . motivation.
If you’re a hunter and I’ve touched a nerve, eh, it happens. However, next time you’re in your stand cursing my name, ask yourself this . . . and BE HONEST with yourself. Would you kill the sick and injured deer . . . or would you pop the nice buck . . . or both? Also, are you doing it for the meat, or are you doing it for the kill? You answer it to yourself. Don’t justify it. Don’t defend it. Just answer it.
In closing, everyone here who knows me knows I’m not bleeding heart or whatnot. Chit guys, I’ve spent almost 15 years of my career coming up with new and exciting ways to kill (people), and as sick as it sounds, I sleep like a baby. And I would kill a deer with a plastic spork to feed my family. I just don’t think I could pound my chest like Arnold killing the Predator, and show off the carcass on my cell phone. You took a life to feed some people . . . and many took that life to feed their psychological needs. Sometimes, I think the least we can do is . . . I dunno . . . not parade the body around like it’s a detachable penis and pound our chest about how the lungs and heart exploded and were driven out through the eye sockets when you shot the 115 pound doe with the .338 Lapua from 75 yards away . . . you know?
I’ll start off by saying I’ve hunted before. I’ve killed animals for food. I really have no problems with the practice, and I see it as having some level of value to all concerned parties. As a capitalist, I FULLY acknowledge that 10 hunters are better for saving their local environment than 1,000 tree huggers. The tree huggers will walk around and enjoy “free” nature while demanding you pay more taxes to provide them a “free” place to . . . enjoy nature. Hunters will pay a buh-jillion taxes and fees to keep hunting grounds open . . . OR they’ll just buy the land outright and refuse to develop it. Eh, it is the way of things.
About this time every year, I’m always amazed at the fanatical, dare I say it, LUST some people have for deer hunting. It’s just, I dunno. I just don’t get it.
I suppose I could understand the whole fascination if killing a deer was some kind of elusive achievement like say a hole in one (GOLFING!) or a perfect baseball game. Or I could see it if killing a deer netted 400 pounds of fine meat to feed the family for the price of one round. Sadly, neither are the case. Around here, at least, killing deer is as easy as driving a 1976 LTD around between 5AM and 9AM. Seriously, we have a bloody ton of them.
Maybe killing a deer would be more, eh, impressive if they were particularly difficult to kill like they were amazingly tough OR you had to hit them “just right”. Eh, our deer are 150 pounds or so, some bigger for sure, but we ain’t talking Alaskan Mule Deer here. We’re talking highly populated whitetail. Also, I’m in the “rolling hills” of Tennessee i.e. most normal shots are 50 to 200 yards. Yeah, MAYBE you get a 300 yard shot if you’re hunting some farmland. We AIN’T taking 700 yard shots from the peak of Mount Reindeer across the valley to Mount Comoniwannalayya at mountain goats. And our whitetails aren’t armored nor do they wear Kevlar, have invisibility suits, or can do the Matrix thing.
All those things considered, I’m ASTOUNDED at what guys carry to hunt with. When I was a kid, it was only legal to hunt with a shotgun in my county. The neighboring counties, however, could use rifles. Almost EXCLUSIVELY everyone shot a .30-30. Eh, why not? A few guys who hunted all over shot .270’s or even a .30-06 for the traveling hunters. Now, though, HOLY CRAP . . . I see .300 Win Mags, 7mm mags, and crap like that. On the other end, there are guys shooting .220 Swifts and all kinds of other hypersonic mini-rounds. All of these guys have scopes made by Nikon, Swavorski, and hell, a couple made by some company called Hubble. Having a thousand bucks in a gun is nothing. If you’re a REAL man, you have one of those scopes that hooks to your iPod and calculates distance, bullet drop, and windage . . . and adjusts your scope for you.
Of course, you have to consider the cost of the gear, too. You HAVE to have a ghille suit customized for your area. And you can’t get out there unless you have a Gator or some other $10k-ish ATV. They’re handy even in the off-season, though, because you can use them to go out and check for deer trails . . . and download your game cam footage monitoring deer movement . . . oh, and you have to refill the deer feeders. It’s cheaper than driving your $42,000 4WD all over, too. You can just leave it at the highway with the $3,000 trailer, dump off the ATV, and you’re ready to get back to nature. With any luck, you’ll maintain a good 3G signal in case you need to check herd movements.
Okay, maybe I’m a little over the top with this, but . . . no, wait. No, not really. I’m not on this one. People spend IMMENSE amounts of money to . . . shoot a deer. No, not just shoot a deer, kill a deer. Even better, depending on what gun you pick, you can blow chunks off the deer, take out whole pieces of the animal and spray them all over the woods, and toss the body 10 to 20 feet away from where it was standing. And to soften up the image, we call it “harvesting” the deer.
It’s all about the illusion, I think, for many hunters. I think many of them are up in their stand and feel connected with nature. They feel like they are touching spiritually with their forefathers who fed their families with a muzzleloader and faith. That’s what some of them post on Facebook . . . from their 3G phones . . . in their stands, at least. But hey, that’s cool.
Another illusion is that they’re a needed part of nature . . . a predator thinning the herd like God and Mother Nature intended. Without the good and noble hunter, disease and famine would ravage the herd. Errrr, sure. The only problem is that I’ve never heard a hunter saying “I was in my stand this morning, and I saw a 10 point buck walk out, and behind him was an old doe. She was coughing, and one of her legs was broken. I harvested her because the weak, sick, and injured must be removed. The big, strong buck, I let go to keep the herd strong.” More than likely, the old doe is still out there spreading some disease, and the buck is headed to the taxidermist to be mounted like a drunk sorority girl. And therein lies the illusion. Humans aren’t like natural predators . . . not at all. We kill the strong, the good looking, and generally, the fertile. People don’t kill the sick and injured. AT BEST, the guy would have shot the sick deer AFTER he shot the buck. Humans kill a trophy buck to hang on the wall or a “tender doe” for eating . . . neither of which, most likely, would fall prey to a predator. And for icing on the cake, the reason THE OLD DOE is still alive and hasn’t been eaten by wolves or coyotes is because, well hell Bubba, we kilt all them off years ago. THEY WERE EATING ALL THE DEER! Sunzabishes . . . And now without natural predators, we must step in to save the poor, sick deer from overpopulation. Yeah . . .
My favorite illusion, though, is that so many hunters tell themselves that they love hunting because they enjoy being in the woods, getting close to nature, and they really have learned to appreciate the beauty of God’s creations. Anytime I hear that crap, I always ask this question. “If you went out to your favorite place, got in your stand, and realized that you forgot to bring ammo, would you go back home and get some, or would you just enjoy nature?” Without fail, they always say they’d go home and get ammo. “So, basically, it’s not worth doing unless you can kill something?” Typically they backtrack, but let’s face it, these people aren’t out there because nature is beautiful, and they get the warm and fuzzies watching the deer bounce around. It’s about killing an animal. It’s not about cunning and skill, per se. If it were, hunters would shun the technology. For most, it’s about killing an animal . . . and with any luck, it’s the biggest animal they can find . . . and DEFINITELY bigger than that other guy’s deer. Afterall, that’s what nature is about . . . rooting out the biggest, the strongest, the fittest, and the most likely to survive animal . . . and killing them . . . right?
I fully admit there are good, ethical hunters out there. One of the families at our karate school is like that. Fudge, they hunt EVERYTHING, but they eat all they kill . . . and wear it . . . and make jewelry from it . . . and sell the rest for rendered ingredients. Fudge, they kill a pig and use everything but the oink. THAT BEING SAID, eh, I think most hunters just enjoy killing something. It’s not about nature, love of the outdoors, or any of that. It’s about ending that life. The power under their finger . . . the rush . . . and the bragging back at the bar or whatever. Men who can’t program their own VCR or figure out how their remote control works learned QUICKLY how to take a picture of a dead deer with their cell phone and post it to Facebook! Motivation, my brother . . . motivation.
If you’re a hunter and I’ve touched a nerve, eh, it happens. However, next time you’re in your stand cursing my name, ask yourself this . . . and BE HONEST with yourself. Would you kill the sick and injured deer . . . or would you pop the nice buck . . . or both? Also, are you doing it for the meat, or are you doing it for the kill? You answer it to yourself. Don’t justify it. Don’t defend it. Just answer it.
In closing, everyone here who knows me knows I’m not bleeding heart or whatnot. Chit guys, I’ve spent almost 15 years of my career coming up with new and exciting ways to kill (people), and as sick as it sounds, I sleep like a baby. And I would kill a deer with a plastic spork to feed my family. I just don’t think I could pound my chest like Arnold killing the Predator, and show off the carcass on my cell phone. You took a life to feed some people . . . and many took that life to feed their psychological needs. Sometimes, I think the least we can do is . . . I dunno . . . not parade the body around like it’s a detachable penis and pound our chest about how the lungs and heart exploded and were driven out through the eye sockets when you shot the 115 pound doe with the .338 Lapua from 75 yards away . . . you know?