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The Englishman Vs. The Carpenter Ants

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  • Start date Start date May 13, 2009
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007

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  • May 13, 2009
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Once upon a time there was an Englishman who moved to America. He was entertained by the funny accents and what they called "the news", and was thrilled when he discovered that V8 cars were still manufactured. He got married, worked hard, purchased a Mustang GT and a little house by a lake, and was ready to live happily ever after.

And then the ****ing ants started eating the ****ing walls of his house.


It seemed the previous owner had actually managed to construct a wooden deck with his entire head inside his anus. The ants thanked him for not using flashing and began their festivities.



After having a polite word with the ants, the Englishman decided that they could **** themselves. A few pints later he introduced the crowbar to the deck, and then went digging for treasure!





The seasons came and went and a bitter chill passed through the misty mountains. Yet the Englishman continued, fueled by barely cooked meat and fermented yeast products.





With the ants gone and the weather abating, the Englishman began felling the forest and "carpentering" like he had a clue what he was doing.






The wood was stained with blood of 400 slain ricers...





The Englishman even added a water feature to clean his women.





And that is the story of the Englishman and the ****ing ants.

Thank god this thing is finished (all the bull**** I just wrote, and the deck).
 

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007

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  • May 13, 2009
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more pics...
 

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007

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More pics...
 

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flstang65

10 Year Member
Dec 6, 2007
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SE Georgia
May 13, 2009
#4
  • May 13, 2009
  • #4
Ummm...did you not have the house inspected?I know those boogers can be a pain in the ass.
 
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007

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#5
  • May 13, 2009
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More pics
 

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007

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  • May 13, 2009
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Last pics
 

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Red35th

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May 13, 2009
#7
  • May 13, 2009
  • #7
Hilarious! And it looks great. Being stuck in DC, I'd love to have trees like that around.
 

Flghtmstr1

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Springfield, PA
May 13, 2009
#8
  • May 13, 2009
  • #8
A+ would read again
 

mustang50v8

Member
Feb 4, 2003
548
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847 Chicago Burbs
May 13, 2009
#9
  • May 13, 2009
  • #9
dude that story kicked ass. great looking deck.
 

eliteJAE

Member
May 29, 2007
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Stanford University
May 13, 2009
#10
  • May 13, 2009
  • #10
So you're British?


Nick deck man
 

squeak93

15 Year Member
Jun 2, 2005
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May 14, 2009
#11
  • May 14, 2009
  • #11
Looks good For an englishman...


 

Pearl02

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May 14, 2009
#12
  • May 14, 2009
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My day at work started out Sh**y. I laughed my ass off when I read this. Thanks man and that's a nice deck you have. My day is going much better now. Pearl02.
 

300

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Feb 25, 2009
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May 14, 2009
#13
  • May 14, 2009
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Great story, nice deck!
 

LaserSVT

Got FB banned again for saying nards
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#14
  • May 14, 2009
  • #14
You're an Englishman? Do you know The Stig?

Seriously though, ants? I didnt know ants ate the wood, I thought that was termites
 
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007

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#15
  • May 14, 2009
  • #15
LaserSVT said:
You're an Englishman? Do you know The Stig?

Seriously though, ants? I didnt know ants ate the wood, I thought that was termites
Click to expand...

Of course I know old Stiggy. Taught him everything he knows. I'm not brave enough for a white racing suit tho... A little prone to skid-marks if you ask me.

Like the new avatar, Laser!
 

LaserSVT

Got FB banned again for saying nards
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#16
  • May 14, 2009
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But seriously, what kind of ant eats wood? Is it the carpenter ants?
 
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007

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#17
  • May 14, 2009
  • #17
LaserSVT said:
But seriously, what kind of ant eats wood? Is it the carpenter ants?
Click to expand...

<Checks thread title.>

<Asks himself WTF>



 

LaserSVT

Got FB banned again for saying nards
Founding Member
Nov 29, 1999
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#18
  • May 14, 2009
  • #18
007 said:
<Checks thread title.>

<Asks himself WTF>



Click to expand...
Yeah I am half mongaloid and half retarded and half stupid
 

COramprat

...I can take it. I think.
20+ Year Stangneter
Mar 2, 2003
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May 14, 2009
#19
  • May 14, 2009
  • #19
All ants can do damage to wood. Even fire ants who build a nest inside your wall will cause wood rot.
 

300

New Member
Feb 25, 2009
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May 18, 2009
#20
  • May 18, 2009
  • #20
:bump:
 
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