wtf is up with my car

The only car that I have ever seen this happen to is my old 91 SHO. Mine doesn't come out as far as you say yours does, but it does do something similar. I too have wondered what could cause this to happen and one thing that I can come up with is higher than normal crankcase pressure. My old SHO burns oil so I have to wonder if it doesn't have bad piston rings, which creates the higher crankcase pressure. The other thing that I've noticed on my SHO is the little o-rings around the dipstick where it enters the tube look a bit worn. I have debated changing them out with new o-rings to see if that would help it stay in. This may be something that you want to check as well.

Maybe your PCV system isn't working correctly and like COBESGT said, you're getting excess pressure in the block and it's trying to find it's way out.

dysan said:

Maybe your PCV system isn't working correctly and like COBESGT said, you're getting excess pressure in the block and it's trying to find it's way out.

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+1 or you have excessive blow by like a bad piston ring.

Velcro?