This gay marraige thing is personal now, traffic, and the Bible...

Visceral

Visceral

New Member
Jun 23, 2003
790
0
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Portland, OR
#1
OK... I used to be for gay marraige. Then they decided that the only place in the NW you could do it is SE 501 Hawthorne. Guess where I live? SE Hawthorne. The traffic is INSANE and I cant drive like I usually do because there are helicopters and pairs of excited butch dykes everywhere. So... I have a proposition.

Let's do what the religious conservatives want. Lets create law that defines marraige like it is told EXACTLY in the Bible. Let's go over what it says so that I can get this written up into law;

A. Marriage in the United States shall consist of a union between one man and one or more women. (Gen 29:17-28; II Sam 3:2-5)

B. Marriage shall not impede a man's right to take concubines in addition to his wife or wives. (II Sam 5:13; I Kings 11:3; II Chron 11:21)

C. A marriage shall be considered valid only if the wife is a virgin. If the wife is not a virgin, she shall be executed. (Deut 22:13-21)

D. Marriage of a believer and a non-believer shall be forbidden. (Gen 24:3; Num 25:1-9; Ezra 9:12; Neh 10:30)

E. Since marriage is for life, neither this Constitution nor the constitution of any State, nor any state or federal law, shall be construed to permit divorce. (Deut 22:19; Mark 10:9)

F. If a married man dies without children, his brother shall marry the widow. If he refuses to marry his brother's widow or deliberately does not give her children, he shall pay a fine of one shoe and be otherwise punished in a manner to be determined by law. (Gen 38:6-10; Deut 25:5-10)

G. In lieu of marriage, if there are no acceptable men in your town, it is required that you get your dad drunk and have sex with him (even if he had previously offered you up as a sex toy to men young and old), tag-teaming with any sisters you may have. Of course, this rule applies only if you are female. (Gen 19:31-36)

Sound OK? After all... Homosexuality is bad because it says so in the Bible. I figured everything should then be as it says.

This is gonna be fun. I'm gonna go look for a second wife here in a bit when the f^&*ing TRAFFIC clears up and all these women in comfortable shoes get off my sidewalk.

Chris
(I didnt do all this research. Thanks to http://www.thecommongood.org/CGN/3_3/biblicalmarriage.html for the points.)
 

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#5
Visceral said:
G. In lieu of marriage, if there are no acceptable men in your town, it is required that you get your dad drunk and have sex with him (even if he had previously offered you up as a sex toy to men young and old), tag-teaming with any sisters you may have. Of course, this rule applies only if you are female. (Gen 19:31-36)
Click to expand...

There's lots of stuff in the bible that's "freaky". This particular item struck me as a bit too bizarre, so I found my old bible (signed "Happy Birthday, 1974"), blew the dust off of it, and looked at Genesis 19:31-36.

Not only is "Item G." above actually in there (although the scripture doesn't read exactly as it's written here), the tag team with your little sister is in there too...

...you can do your dad, but you can't marry same-sex?

My only problem with this whole situation is temporary civil-disobedience. Government officials are willfully violating the law.

Change the laws. Change the laws to one blanket statement.

"It is completely legal to do whatever the hell you want to do as long as it doesn't violate the rights of another human being".

Gay people marrying doesn't violate my rights, and I think that preventing it is about as senseless as executing non-virgin women.

Following the "laws" of the bible, which was written by people who did not have the cognitive ability to comprehend a flying saucer (refering to them as "chariots of fire"), is like allowing no one over 3 years old to be elected to congress.

Hmmm... I bet this keeps me off of the religious conservitives' mailing lists....
 
#8
Jon said:
You must be awfully bored Chris.
You SHOULD be putting in your K member.
Click to expand...

Ah... its already in ;) And what a fiasco that was with both QA1s with no oil in them, and now a leaky brake line. And I need to work on the shock adjustments. Its *really* stiff. I sure hope it loosens up easily.

At least it looks pretty.
 
#13
Visceral said:
Let's do what the religious conservatives want. Lets create law that defines marraige like it is told EXACTLY in the Bible. Let's go over what it says so that I can get this written up into law;

A. Marriage in the United States shall consist of a union between one man and one or more women. (Gen 29:17-28; II Sam 3:2-5)
Click to expand...
oh wow, we can have more than one wife?

Visceral said:
G. In lieu of marriage, if there are no acceptable men in your town, it is required that you get your dad drunk and have sex with him (even if he had previously offered you up as a sex toy to men young and old), tag-teaming with any sisters you may have. Of course, this rule applies only if you are female. (Gen 19:31-36)
Click to expand...

LOL! :rlaugh:
 
#15
you guys go ahead and marry a second one I ain't that stupid there ain't no way I want to fight with two women @ the same time. and I will end up having to put the toilet seat down for sure then.
As for having to sleep with my daughter I don't think so you need to read the story from the beginning they didn't HAVE to they chose too.either way no thanks
 
#16
:rlaugh: Finally, I've got biblical support. I can now legally go out and get a couple of hoochies to take home. Woohooo! If the wife complains.....she sleeps wit da fishes. I love it, but after breaking the news to her, she's got that I'm gonna kill you look in her eye again.
 
#18
caucstang said:
I can't wait to hear about the first Star Wars theme wedding for 2 gay dudes.. I hope they put it on the news...
Click to expand...


So I hear you're the butch and he's the bitch. :rlaugh:

lol dave there may not be to many folks that understand this. :banana:














For the record I don't like homos and I can't stand to be around them or their show. I'm not just saying this on a whim, more like I have years of experience with homo guys from married in inlaw situations if you will.:puke:
 
#19
468LC said:
For the record I don't like homos and I can't stand to be around them or their show. I'm not just saying this on a whim, more like I have years of experience with homo guys from married in inlaw situations if you will.:puke:
Click to expand...
I've known a number of people who were gay, and for most of them I didn't know it until well after I first met them. Something like 1 in 10 people is gay, and I'm guessing about 1 in 100 of those are flaming... those are the ones I feel a bit uncomfortable around.

And for the record, I support allowing gay people to marry. Or rather, I support NOT telling anybody else what they can do with their life. I am conceited, but not to that extent... who gave us the right?

And with that I'm off the soap box, it's probably wise to avoid topics like this on the forums :D.

:flag:

Dave
 
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