Losing friends sucks.

[The Green GT]

k this is kinda long, but Im gonna have to give you some background before I tell you whats going on.

Back in the day, I hung out with a group of friends all the time, Dave, Adam, Patrick, Corey, and Justin. Dave in in Cali in the marines, is married and has a kid on the way, Adam is who this thread is about, Patrick got married, didnt invite any of us to his wedding, and really didnt even let us know about it. We have all concluded that he has mental problems from all the **** hes done, Corey and justing are two that I still hang out with all the time.

Ok, now Adam went off the the Airforce a few years ago, lost his mind, escaped the base, headed home to tell everyone he was the son of God, ran his truck off the road at 70 MPH, etc, etc.

He gets back and we naturall lose touch with him. At the beginning of this year, Corey went to a bar and met him and ever since then he has been coming down every weekend and hanging out. We drink beer, and we just hang out like friends do.

Lately he has been going hang out with some friends in New Orleans which is about 4 hours away. I have no problem with this, I know we arent the only people he know. I could just tell something was going on though. You know how when you have know someone for years, you can just tell something is not right when you are talking to them.

Well today I get a message from him saying "I'm taking up my cross and following Jesus. I won't be going around anymore. Tell the guys I said bye." Honestly, what the hell? Its not like we are the anti-Christ, we all went to a private catholic school except for him and Patrick, who went to a private Christian school. I sent him a message saying "Are you serious? I respect that fact that you are following Jesus, but does that really mean we cant hang out anymore?" He hasn't responded yet, but I only sent it a few hours ago.

Now the one thing that gets me is that he always criticized Patrick for just leaving us. It was really something that tore him up. Him and Patrick were best friends since they were kids. And when Patrick stopped answering his calls he was upset about it. Plus me and him are supposed to be going to the Rush concert in August, and I can guarantee that I will get his ass up and we will go.

And i just got this back.

"Sorry, I don't mean to just blow you off like that. I'm just changing my lifestyle and perspective; new friends, new way of doing things. You guys will always be my friends, and we can hang out on occasion, but not doing what we do. I really like you guys, you were there for me when no one else was, but God is moving me on. To what, who knows?? But I have to move forward, on a path leading to Jesus. Daz it, my friend."


And the worst thing about this is that he was the friend I like to talk to the most. He is into all the same stuff as me. He is the only one of my friends that I could actually hold an intelligent conversation with for an hour or so. I guess hes one of my only friends who was truly on my level.

I respect the fact that he is following God, I hope to be able to commit my self to that one day, but I just dont understand why he thinks he cant hang out with us anymore.

Dont mine me ,I just had to get this off my chest.

 

[reddy351]

I'll start by saying that sometimes people feel a need to go looking for "something more". More than what they have, more than what they are, just "more". They need to get out and see things from a different perspective. The only way to do that, sometimes, is to just "jump out of the plane". It's not that you guys are "wrong" in his eyes, just "not right, right now".

Have you told him what you've told us about your connection with him? That you value him, as a friend? That's what I would do next.

 

[The Green GT]

Yea, I dont understand how he is searching for more by giving up some of his best friends. And Ill have to tell him about that.

 

[sage2k]

Thats harsh and Ive lost friends to due to odd circumstances too
but I would just tell him that you will always be his friend when he decides to come back around.

 

[The Green GT]

Yea it wouldnt be so bad it it wasnt like this.

Like two weekends ago, we were hanging out, drinking beer, watching South Park, and now he wont even come over.

 

[Car Nut]

As a fellow Christian, I'm sorry to hear this. I can't imagine doing that to my friends, let alone best of friends, but I do understand a little that he wants to change his lifestyle. Just know this is not a typical thing for new Christians, cause usually they're excited to share with friends of their new faith. I was in this same boat your friend is in, but chose a different path (or rather....I stayed on the same path and altered my attitude, behavior, and outlook on life in a more positive direction). I still had the same humor, fun, and everything else, but I did let my friends know what would be changing in my life. No big deal. I was up front and honest........they listened........they gave me feedback.........and we were then on the same page. Did they change? Not so much, but they respected my faith and probably grew to like me more and trust me that much more.

I've lost some friends, but mostly they've moved away or found other friends. Let your friend know that he is an important friend. If drinking is his issue, then lay off the drink when he's around some of the time. Whatever it is, it should be something on a small scale that doesn't ruin the friendship.

Again, sorry to hear about it. Be patient, cause things sound like it will work itself out. Not to many people have friends that they would speak so highy of as you did.

 

[KBCobra95]

I am the same way as Car Nut. While I was in school, I had friends that were kinda wild. I am a born again Christian but as they say and no offense to you, "When you lay down with dogs you get up with fleas" I can relate. Maybe that is his mindset right now. After he becomes a little more mature/ stronger in his faith, he'll prob come back. If not you should respect his decision for obeyng a higher calling.

 

[TheDamned]

I kinda hear ya, i've lost 1 very close friend since he got his new gf, it sucks.

 

[Zero Signal]

I've lost friends to military as we would lose touch and the next time I talked to them, they'd be a completely different person. But I've never seen one go cultist Christian before. Cultist seems harsh, but the typical signs of fanaticism is what you have described and it's scary.

 

[parchisi]

I had a friend, who for one summer, seemed to kind go off the deep end, before he was a real happy-go-lucky type of person, always making people laugh. After that, he didn't talk much to us or hang out with us at all that summer, but he did talk about some woman hypnotist on some video series, and she kept making him order more videos or something. I still don't really understand, but he was a completely different person that summer. After that though, he seemed to snap out of it and he was back to normal....it was really bizarre.

yeah, i for one know that the military can change people. I came home for the first time after basic training and a couple months as a doolie here, and it was weird hanging out with my friends. The fact that I had changed and everybody else was still the same, doing the exact same things we did in high school, just made things feel weird. I mean, we still hang out all the time and we're still good friends, but they told me that I had really changed, i.e. standing up for myself more, being more self confident in my decisions, etc.

 

[The Green GT]

Yea, iI lost my buddy Dave to the Marines, and his evil compulsive lying wife. She LIED about being pregnant and having leukemia, but thats another thread.

 

[Stanger007]

As a Christian myself, I can see where your friend is coming from - heck, I worked at a church for ten years so I've seen a good bit of things like this and even done it myself to an extent.

Your friend will have to find some balance in his walk with God, that is all. Maybe this is a bit of a sacreligious example, but it's sorta like when you first meet a girl, she's all you think about and you end up leaving your friend a bit to make time to be with her. Then you realize that you have totally pissed everyone off and that you need to find some balance.

He will come around when he realizes that the way he is handling his life change is actually hurting his relationship with you. In the Bible, Jesus spent most of His time not with the religious people, but with the common people and those that needed what He had the most. I do agree that there is a time where you just need to separate yourself from your old way of life for a while so that you can focus on changing yourself, he may could have explained this a bit better than just pulling the plug, but hindsight is 20-20.

Give you bud some time and be patient with him - I like how you have an open mind to what he is trying to do with his life - that's awesome that you aren't just writing him off. It shows me that you are a great friend. Be patient... it will work out.

Wes

 

[Pokageek]

I hate it when the wives do a vulcan mindmelt on the friend. I lost 2 friends that way.

As to the following Christ thing. Chalk me up too. I have one buddy that was into some bad stuff. He had to leave town to stop the drugs, drinkin, cussin, ****, etc..all around sin lifestyle. Yes, of course sin is fun, that is why it is tempting. Anyhow, I am doing my best to follow Christ too. For me, I didn't dump anyone, but it is tough to balance sometimes. Why?

#1 In todays times, we are in the MINORITY and UNPOPULAR BIG TIME.
#2 Some of my friends are still into real bad stuff and don't realize it. I have to check out on that.
#3 Everyone is at different levels, who am I to judge them cuz I aint perfect either. So I accept just about everyone, even the clueless..

Why #3? It is easier for me because I have BEEN through all the doubts, battled (bad not good science - there's a difference) , philosophy, psychology, societal brainwashing, self importance, the argumentative, lost, haters, atheists, the judgemental, ... there's more I just cant think of it right now.

So I have heard most of the arguments for and not, been throught the logic, did a ton of research, and found out that I truely do not have enough faith (and you really need a lot) to be an Atheist.

There is even a book out called that for those that don't have the time to do the research themselves. Everyone should read it b4 they close the book on the Good book. Then decide.

That being said, that sucks for you. Maybe if you are interested or the time is right, ask him if yo ucan find out more about what he is into. Make sure it is not some cult and legit too.

 

[Car Nut]

Maybe if you are interested or the time is right, ask him if yo ucan find out more about what he is into. Make sure it is not some cult and legit too.

That is such a good point.

Religion is one thing, but being a Christian has little to do with it. Church is a great place to learn, be encouraged, and a safe haven in times of need and hurt. The way I see it, Christianity is more about an individuals personal relationship with Jesus. Churches are filled with all sorts of personalities and it should be a great place to learn. None of us are perfect and really should never think perfection is possible, but we can be better and strive to be a more positive influence on others. By no means am I saying that a Christian should shove their beliefs in people's faces. Actually, if I'm doing my part right, a friend should know that I'm a Christian without me ever having told them.

Thanks for the comments above, even though this ain't my post. Kind of neat to hear other's views and thoughts.

 

[The Green GT]

I got a message from him just now on myspace, but he deleted his profile after he sent it, so I couldnt see what it said. Then I called him and got no answer.
I left him a message so hopefully he calls me back so I can figure out what the **** is going on.

 

[95strokerPSU]

Would a former alcoholic hang around a bar? It's what he feel he needs to do to persue his best interest.

 

[The Green GT]

Would a former alcoholic hang around a bar? It's what he feel he needs to do to persue his best interest.

I understand that, but its not like we are bad people, we all stay out of trouble, work, go to school, etc.

i guess it just shocked me because it happened so suddenly.

 

[The Green GT]

I just got off the phone with him.

I really dont know what to say.

He is no going to the Rush concert.

He threw ALL of his music out. He easily had $3000 worth of CD's. He is a massive music fan. Something which he did a long time ago. When we were still in HS he threw all of his music away, but could not tell us why.

He said everything is just a distraction from Jesus. I asked him what made him decide to do it and he said that Jesus decided it for him. He had nothing to do with it.

I guess this is just hard to for someone who has never really gone through it to grasp.