I'm pretty sure my problem was the battery (car's back to not starting now). But what was happening was the fuel pump was never getting the initial 12V it needed to prime. After a little bit of a charge it would get 12 for around 5 seconds, just enough to build up pressure to start. Once it got started it ran fine and I drove it around for 15 minutes or so. The battery that's in there is charging now and drawing a ton of amps so I'm pretty sure it's nearly dead. I'll probably end up swapping it out tomorrow and I'm hoping that should do the trick.