The Guide to the "Ultimate Rice"

I'm sick of seeing everyone around here (my area, not StangNet ) thinking they are so fast with these imports around here. I mean, I drive a 2.3 N/A that has a slightly better filter component, I KNOW I'M SLOW, and don't race often unless among friends. But, after long hard study, I've developed a guide to make one of, and have seen similar vehicles built to the specs of what I call the "Ultimate Rice."

First, you need a BIG OL' zoom tube/fart can on the back, with pipes so big Fat Albert's terd could fit down it that fits right into a stock exhaust manifold. Then you HAVE to get some of those spinning hub caps they sell at the auto stores now. Then buy two HUGE "Nos" stickers and throw them on your sides, preferably behind the driver door. Then buy one of those huge aluminum wing and throw that on there. Then make up some silly car club name that would never be used by anyone smart, like the one I saw around here called "Imported Domestics." (Yes, you read right, I said "Imported Domestics") OxyMORONS. Get a huge sticker of that made up and throw that on your back window. Then buy some neons from Pep Boys or Autozone, the cheap kind and throw some of them under your dashboard and seats (also getting the neon shifter knob that they have on sale), maybe even under your car. Then you have to buy some of that cheap tint stuff and do up your windows. Then throw about 300 lbs of stereo equipment into the trunk and interior of your car to make it "hit." And the most important Horsepower adding material involved in this whole process, the "intake." Can't finish it off or expect to beat the speed of smell without the dreaded "intake." Do ALL this, and I swear you will have a massive horsepower increase by like, 3!!! Maybe 5 with a K&N!!! So get hopping, and build that thing.

Got any "Ultimate Rice" formulas? Post em' It will make you feel better

351wcoupe said:

Its sad but the Yonda's might make me think twice are the ones that drive up to the racing spots all easy and quietly. They have no stickers and no attitudes.

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Aka, my cousin and his 91 Civic DX. Swapped a 93 Integra engine into it with a header and 2.5" exhaust. The outside of the car looked like a piece of s*** though. THe only way you could really tell anything had been done was the slight hum of his exhaust and the stock 14"s that he installed on the front to fit the drivetrain that clearly didnt match the stock 13"s in the back. A 10 lb car with 160HP and 141lb/ftTQ...yeah...askin for trouble