found it! the wiring for the radio was all screwey from whoever put the radio in that was there when i bought the car.
long story short, there is a green/yellow wire that is always hot, and a yellow/black that is keyed. those 2 wires were deliberately shorted with a paper clip that was all taped over. once i removed that, now the clock and radio are only on when the key is in, just like it is supposed to be.
the wiring is still pretty screwey, but it is better ... i have more to do there.
adam, thanks for offering your ignition switch, but i don't think i need it any more.