at what point in your life did you grow up

chepsk8 · Sep 10, 2005

Back to the original question...

Twice.

First was the birth of my children, forcing me to think about them first (even more so with my autistic son)

Second, my divorce , which mandated a radical overhaul in my life again, and still put my kids first.

But, as most of you have seen, I've been able to make the best of it, and live with a bigger smile now than ever before.

As for the alcohol issues, I never was a big drinker, so I cannot comment.

bnickel · Sep 10, 2005

so does "using" alcohole to overcome these inhabitions i have show trademarks of being an alcoholic? and remember by definition theres "no degree of an alcoholic"

Yes, if you have to have a buzz to be able to talk to people and help you come out of your shell, then the answer is yes, my friend you are becoming an alcoholic. i would term it as you being a "social alcoholic" which if you stop now you should be fine, but keep doing what you're doing and you will become a full blown alcoholic. that is exactly what i was doing and before long i had to get drunk to be able to enjoy myself when i was out. i didn't need to get drunk when i was at home nor did i need to even drink at all when i was home. i can tell you what you are doing my friend was exactly is exactly what i was doing, one day you will find out that what i'm telling you is the way it is, hopefully before you or one of your buds dies, or you have kids. i truly beleive that if my daughter hadn't been born i would still be living the same lifestyle or i'd be dead or in jail

DarkBuddha · Sep 12, 2005

This is long, but indulge me...

I'm not sure I understand what you mean by "growing up". Hell, I'm 32, been married for 4 years (been with her for 11 now), have a 1 year old son, I'm still going to school (for my doctoral degree), and just spent the last hour of my life playing on my PS2. I own a small library of anime, have diecasts on my dresser, look forward to the next Harry Potter movie, just bought a remote control car, and had Taco Bell for dinner. Do you want to know when I "grew up" or when I "sobered up"?

I used to be like you... I'd get blasted (pick your poison, or several if you were me), go out and party with friends, find myself in bizarre places doing strange things with freakish and sometimes semi-famous people (hang out in Tampa a while...), not remember how I got home (especially when I didn't drive), and wake up wearing makeup and missing clothing. No one could go further, harder, better, longer than me. It got me great stories and some very strange (and fuzzy) memories.

When did I stop? When I sobered up because I became allergic to alcohol. No, I'm not kidding. It sucked then, but I've been straight edge for going on 9 years (yes, my wife was my girl during some of this). The moment I sobered up and tried to hang out with the same people, I finally realized how tired and truly inane and boring they all were. When I was the sober guy and had to help bring people down (from a bad trip or a bad situtation), then I found it all very very very tiring and exasperating. After a while, I just stopped showing up. I have to admit that things went very bad after that for that group of friends. People got hurt, got arrested, got AIDS, and got dead. I'm not exagerating... this is the kind of crap that happens and it makes me more and more sad the older I get.

What's my point? I don't think I've "grown up" so much as evolved. I measure a good time by the amount of long term reward I get from it. Sure I've still got my PS2 for a bit of instant gratification, but I really value things like the 4 year (and still going) resto of my Mustang. Or a good few hours spent with my family. Or a particularly good composition or performance (I'm a composer). I get high writing a particularly efficient bit of code or faking a really good photochop. Creativity is my drug of choice these days, and it lasts much longer and is much cheaper than anything you can pay for. I've got more ideas than I'll likely ever have time for, but that's just the way I like it... I'm never wondering where/when I'll get to "have a good time", 'cause I've got a running list of stuff I'd like to do.

Now I don't think you're necessarily an alcoholic or have a "problem". But I do think you'll eventually come to the realization that you're mostly just wasting time and energy (not to mention money). When you do, you'll "grow up". Wanna speed up the process? Next time you're out, go sober and look at your friends and their actions, and then think about the kind of folks you see on Cops or the corner store closest to the worst trailer park in town. Look around the bar and notice the middle-aged versions of yourselves. In fact, go out sober every time and look around. If it looks good, keep on keepin' on. Otherwise, think about what else you'd rather be doing right then. Heck, it doesn't have to exclude your friends, unless they don't wanna be included, and maybe they'd like doing something different too.

Just a thought...

65stanger · Sep 12, 2005

"I don't wanna grow up, I'm a Toys 'R' Us kid..........."

krash kendall · Sep 12, 2005

It sounds to me as if you are being a little reflective on yourself and see a tired person with an empty wallet and nothing to show for it but several run of the mill, cookie cutter drinkin' stories. You then carry on with a list of attempted justifications and reasons as to why it is okay for you to drink in hopes others will say, "You've made a very good argument to support drunken redneck escapades, carry on my good man!". There's nothing wrong with drinking per say, its the white trash warrior lifestyle that can start you on the downward spiral. Write down some goals and aspirations with a completion date and go from there. That's setting yourself a new standard that make you accountable to you and you alone. Blah, blah, blah....

gingerbreadman · Sep 12, 2005

krash kendall said:
It sounds to me as if you are being a little reflective on yourself and see a tired person with an empty wallet and nothing to show for it but several run of the mill, cookie cutter drinkin' stories. You then carry on with a list of attempted justifications and reasons as to why it is okay for you to drink in hopes others will say, "You've made a very good argument to support drunken redneck escapades, carry on my good man!". There's nothing wrong with drinking per say, its the white trash warrior lifestyle that can start you on the downward spiral. Write down some goals and aspirations with a completion date and go from there. That's setting yourself a new standard that make you accountable to you and you alone. Blah, blah, blah....

Well if that is the case it is definatly sub consious, I don't perticulary see any problem with how i carry on with myself or how most of my friends do. As for a empty wallet i am doing pretty good for my age but then thats kind of a stereotypical remark on alcoholism. I dont think i am seeking out help I do believe i am headed down a fine path. You talk about "drunken redneck escapades" I have something to say about that and drinking stories in general, everyone has them and it seems everyone likes to share them. I dont know why exactly but its true, if you dont believe me look at your previous post in this thread. It wasnt exactly like you stated that as being the worst night in your life? or it being the moment it all changed for you. you told a story that stuck in your head and youve probly repeated it before. It is most likely a good memory.

I dont know what i am trying to get at here, i wasnt anticipating this thread turning into such a personal discussion about me but I am intreged greatly by it and not offended by any remarks.

This may be a bit off the topic but I have some friends that have taken different paths then me. for example:

my friend jody. out of high school he moved far away from his friends and family to get into a good apprentiship and carrier, he just got married hes my age 23. This is all fine and dandy but i can see some kids being on there way soon, can you see him having a large shop full of tools, a classic stang outside, a couple quads, a dirtbike etc.? No probly not, its true that when you settle down with kids and wife that your expendable income is diminished greatly, i plan on staying single. Would you say that staying single all my life would be a bad choice?

my friend amy. She in high school was a good girl, popular, pretty and social. I think she has some insecurity issues, she sleeps around quit a bit, she will lead guys on to make herself feel better, she drinks and sleeps with different guys 2 or 3 times a week, she uses alcohole as a cover or excuse or whatever to help her overcome sleeping with all these guys. She is a smart girl and could have had a bright futer but i dont see it happening. Do you think This is bad?

I have a friend jimmey, he moved just recently at 19 for a apprentiship and carrer aswell, he moved against his will, he didnt want to leave all that he knew here, his friends and family. I think he is secretivy hitting the booz. I know he started smoking. hes off and on with girls now. His family has a history of alcoholics,hes my bud who likes to fight, blanks out when he drinks, and generaly a bad drunk unless your his friend do you think he is headed down a bad track?

then theres me. in high school i had a job at a grociery store cleaning up the meat shop, when i graduated they offered to train me as a meat cutter. i was there for 4 years after high school and all was fine untill the company went through some changes including union and i ended up with a big pay cut, I then got a job at a local sawmill that was 1.5 years ago, i dont like working at the mill so now im enrolled in heavy duty mechanics at the local college. I was making a family man wage at the age of 19 and have been since then i am almost 24 now and still single. I have alot of toys,tools etc. I dont own my home yet mostly because i have to work alot less going to school for these 9 months and i am living cheap with my gramma but i do have near $30,000 cash to put down on a house when the time comes. I have also set myself up with a financial adviser and a retirement plan. Now during all this time i have drank and partied on occasion as i did the other night, my "drinking" or partying hasnt affected anything to date other then maybe a hangover at school or work once in a while. How does this story compare to jody? amy? jimmey?

There are just so many different scenarious of people and situations that i dont think it can be summerized by any one perticualar action(s) or traits. For example i plan on getting myself into a fly in mine type job, this is where i go work in camp for 2 weeks straight and get 2 weeks off afterwards, I hear alot of stories of people becoming alcoholics and drug addicts in these camps and there wives divorcing them because there gone all the time. I seriously dont believe that working in a job like that could be solely blamed on a individual becoming a drunk or ending up divorced.

I dont know what I am trying to get it with any of this, i find i am not very good with words or explaining myself at times so if none of this makes sense I'm sorry.

-gbm-

DarkBuddha · Sep 12, 2005

gbm, I think we all thought we read a bit of lament and regret about your recent escapade. So we offered feedback with that in mind. I have to say your experience and account of your friends situations aren't exactly reassuring or what I think most folks would consider common. We all know folks like the ones you describe, but they're probably not what most folks count among their usual group of friends either.

Ultimately, we all come from different backgrounds. With that in mind, there are lots of ways through life. If you're happy with yours, no reason to change. However, if you do start getting the feeling it ain't everything you want, make changes. Simple.

Of course, maybe it's just a Canadian thing...

krash kendall · Sep 13, 2005

gingerbreadman said:
You talk about "drunken redneck escapades" I have something to say about that and drinking stories in general, everyone has them and it seems everyone likes to share them. I dont know why exactly but its true, if you dont believe me look at your previous post in this thread. It wasnt exactly like you stated that as being the worst night in your life? or it being the moment it all changed for you. you told a story that stuck in your head and youve probly repeated it before. It is most likely a good memory. -gbm-

BINGO!!! We do all have them including me. I have lots, more than enough in fact. I don't need anymore because the plot is always the same.

gingerbreadman said:
For example i plan on getting myself into a fly in mine type job, this is where i go work in camp for 2 weeks straight and get 2 weeks off afterwards, I hear alot of stories of people becoming alcoholics and drug addicts in these camps and there wives divorcing them because there gone all the time. I seriously dont believe that working in a job like that could be solely blamed on a individual becoming a drunk or ending up divorced.
-gbm-

Well there are problems faced by schedules like that. My best friend (who was living with me at the time) was working the log boom tugs on the Fraser a few years ago at a job his cousin got him. Two weeks on, one week off, twelve hour days or nights. He was on nights. He said the guys that had been doing it for years were hardcore. The two weeks on was like jail and the one week off was like a furlough (parole) to them. They were well paid but were pennyless. One guy even had a brand new corvette, but when the week was over and it was time to go back to jail his paycheque was gone to hookers and blow. Now not everyone is going to be indoctrinated into this lifestyle, but the tales of how it happens have merrit. As I said, my friend was living with at the time, yet I never saw him. I worked days, he worked nights. Now that I'm married I don't think that would be a good arrangement for a married couple, especially with kids. There's something intrinsicly wrong with a job that completely isolates you from your own life. It becomes easy to see how these guys lose their self control when they are released from "work".

chepsk8 · Sep 13, 2005

GBM,

I remember when I was your age, I was just about as crazy. Street racing, booze, smoking pot, no responsibility, just having fun. The key is realizing when everything becomes "too much", and you start to look at life in a different way, realizing where you have beem, and now where you want to go. It's called "growing up". I was there too. Happened to me at 25 when I was dating a girl who snorted coke like a fiend, I stayed away from the stuff, watched it destroy her. At the same time, all of my crew had just gotten good jobs, a few got married, and we started to look at life as adults. Maybe you are at that cusp?

Man, I could regale you with crazy stories from back then!

at what point in your life did you grow up

chepsk8

bnickel

DarkBuddha

65stanger

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krash kendall

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gingerbreadman

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DarkBuddha

krash kendall

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