Jim Tressel/Ohio State fans, this is funny


10 Year Member
Jun 13, 2006
Columbus, Ohio
This is a clipping from "The Other Paper" here in Columbus, Ohio. I hope this really happened. I guess they wount be "looking for blood" the next time OSU has a bad game. Hahahahahahahaha!!!

"Reporters want more
They demand a Tressel mea culpa
By Danny Russell / January 18, 2007

COLUMBUS, Ohio — Responding to the demands of local reporters and a handful of Buckeye fans, Coach Jim Tressel addressed the Ohio State football team’s 41-14 loss to Florida in a macabre press conference yesterday.

Though the coach had answered questions immediately following the Jan. 8 BCS title game in Glendale, Ariz., he acknowledged yesterday that he initially failed to appreciate the media’s need to hear again whether he was happy with the results of the game.

“At first, I didn’t know what else there was to talk about once I admitted we had a lousy game and that fourth-and-one call turned out to be a bad idea,” Tressel said as he took his seat at the Woody Hayes Center. “But I’ve come to realize we have great fans and friends in the media who can’t move on—can’t do their jobs, can’t feed their pets, can’t love their children—until they’re assured, again, that our coaching staff doesn’t like getting beat by 27 points.”

Tressel then placed a small box on the table in front of him.

“I could sit here and talk to you all day about how much this loss hurts,” he said. “But instead, I thought I’d just show you.”

Tressel opened the box and tilted it toward the reporters, several of whom passed out at the sight of severed human body parts.

“In here is a finger from each of our assistant coaches,” he said, adding that while every coach had a finger cut off to atone for the upset loss, not everyone had to part with the same finger.

Reaching into the box and pulling out a discolored thumb, he said, “This belonged to (defensive coordinator) Jim Heacock. Jimmy called three solid hours of prevent defense, and so for the rest of his life, he’ll be holding his toothbrush with a different hand. I think you’ll see us make better defensive adjustments next season.”

“By the same token,” Tressel said, “we only took a pinkie from Darrell Hazell because he coaches our wide receivers and, well, Teddy Ginn did have that runback.”

Tressel acknowledged that all 10 of his own fingers remained attached to his hands.

“I gave that a lot of thought, I really did,” he said, nodding his head slowly. “And I asked myself: What would Jesus do? And I honestly can’t imagine Jesus lopping off one of his own fingers.”

Tressel emphasized that no players were maimed during what he called “our little cleansing ritual.” He said a university attorney advised him that subjecting players to involuntary amputations would violate the spirit if not the letter of NCAA rules.

“Besides,” Tressel added, “we need our student-athletes to be in peak physical condition. I mean, we can chop fingers off (linebackers coach) Luke Fickell until he’s writing with a pen in his teeth for all I care. But we’re gonna need (wide receiver) Brian Robiskie to catch some balls next season.”"
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