ricer jokes

kristopher said:

Your a ricer if you shut off your headlights at night and drive with only your underbody neons and led washers to guide you

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WhiteStallionGT said:

You might be a ricer if...

-You have more exhaust decibels than your engine has horsepower.
..

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deadlast said:

i wear my hat backwards and im not rice. but anyway,

last time i heard rice was not fast food

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Cobracanuck said:

...if you have eaten more rice in your car than p***y

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matthiasj said:

* Your engine makes twice as much horsepower as torque.
* 17" rims up front, 13" out back on your FWD.
* You ever painted your wheels to match the same color of your car.
* DuPont gave up trying to figure out the shade you were asking for.
* Your mod list includes stereo equipment, shifter handle, MOMO steering wheel, PIA driving lights, exhaust tip, but no REAL engine parts.
* A chameleon lizard undergoes fewer shade changes than your custom paint scheme.
* Your rims and tires are so large, that you have to install the tire / wheel from underneath the car because it simply won't fit in the wheel well going in from the side.
* The dealer laughs when you bring your car back in for service under warranty, and you've only had it 6 months...
* Your tires / rims stick out from the lip of your car by more than 1."
* Your paint job is from the WRONG end of the color spectrum.
* You installed spacers on your STOCK wheels and tires to get them to stick out past the fender.
* You see cars like yours in a Shriner's Parade for Children and clowns are driving them.
* Your Eclipse GS-T hardtop has a "SPYDER" emblem on the rear...
* Your sum knowledge of suspension is: "the more negative camber, the better the handling."
* You push your car through the staging lanes. That way, maybe you can break into the 16s by keeping the motor cool between runs.
* Your rear wing AND your rear window have a third mount brake light...
* The back lighting in the gauges in your A-pillar gauge pod work long before the actual gauges are hooked up.
* You cut 4 coil springs and scrape the chassis on the ground. Sparks are cool when you corner at normal traffic speeds!
* You have to find a way to drive AROUND speed bumps in a parking lot.
* You install clear corner and brake lights.
* You install colored bulbs in your aftermarket clear lenses.
* You ever put neon on the bottom of your car, and then busted it on the first speed bump you went over.
* You painted the UNDERBODY of your car to match
* If your rear spoiler is taller then you are.
* if you can fit fist **** your exhaust tip
* You have more stereo WATTS than engine TORQUE!
* If your tailpipe extension is the most expensive mod you’ve done to your engine yet.
* Your tailpipe extension fell off during a quarter mile race and you went three tenths of a second faster due to weight savings.
* EVERY car in your class has a turbo pushing double digits worth of boost.
* You spent $5,000 on the engine and you can not out run a stock Camaro, Firebird, or Mustang
* You want the 'wastegate' sound, but don't want to install a turbocharger system.
* You think Nitrous Oxide on your Hyundai Sonata puts you in the same performance league as the Chevy Corvette.
* The automatic version of your car runs 2 seconds slower in the 1/4mile.
* If the 1970 Plymouth Daytona Superbird has a smaller spoiler than your car does.
* You think the Del Sol is a sports car...
* A torque converter does NOTHING for your car.
* You think a deep farty noise = the sound of high performance
* If you think that horsepower is far more important than torque
* If you have ever claimed that switching to a cone filter has given you more than 5 HP.
* If you have ever considered installing more than one set of fog / driving lights.
* If you claim that the aftermarket cold air intake system you just installed doubled your horsepower or took 2 or more seconds off of your E/T.
* You spent all night on the Internet trying to find a company that makes a turbocharger system for your Hyundai...
* If you removed your side view mirrors and put them at the TOP of the door / window frame.
* If you think the Fugees are 'speed' music.
* MOMO is 'absolutely required' to go fast.
* Your four cylinder has a dual exhaust system installed.
* Your four cylinder has four exhaust pipes ("Hey, one for each cylinder!")
* The color of your interior upholstery hurts the cones and rods in other people's eyes.
* If you cannot drive your car in snow as the ground effects create a plow effect.
* If you have installed driving lights to compensate for headlight blackouts / tape.
* If you think that 180 horsepower and 185 lb/ft of torque are impressive for a ‘mildly’ modified engine.
* If you have stickers on your car for parts that you could not point out if asked where those parts are installed.
* You think pushrods are a bad thing…
* Your car has more decals than you do the quarter in seconds.
* Every Honda you EVER owned, all the way back to your 1978 Accord was either a V-Tec or a TYPE-R.
* If you gutted the interior to save weight on a car that you will never take to the track…
* You lean your seat so far back when you are driving, that every time you hit a bump, its your back and not your butt that hurts.
* You have hydraulics and sixteen switches on a car you claim runs low 10s on the street and corners better than a Porsche.
* If you can estimate that your car makes more than 250 HP without ever running it at the track or getting a dyno reading.
* You claim that you can get a titanium block for your engine.
* If you have ever thought Hyundai and "performance" went hand in hand
* If you've ever gone to a parts shop or speed warehouse and asked for a 1" to 6" exhaust adapter...
* If you've ever contemplated adding "TYPE-R" stickers to your Sonata…
* If you've removed more than 1/2 of the coils from your springs by cutting them yourself ...
* If you have more neon lights on your car than a strip club...
* You put Kanji on your Ford ZX2, Ford Probe, or Mercury Cougar ...
* You own a "TYPE-R" Hyundai or Mazda.
* You couldn't afford headlight masking, so you just painted them with flat black Krylon and it's peeling. Badly.
* You claim that polishing your intake gave you 5hp.
* You own a V-TEC Hyundai or Mazda (especially a V-TEC rotary engined Mazda RX-7)
*You have neon INSIDE your car or in your ENGINE compartment
* You ever claimed that high gas mileage made your car superior in performance to V8s.
* If it takes you 8000rpm to reach 30mph from a dead stop at WOT.
* You think yellow plastic interior trim makes your car cool
* You spend $500 for a giant hand welded tube for a muffler with the weld marks extremely visible
* If you paint your drum brakes to simulate Hi-po calipers
* If you install fake hi-po caliper / disc simulators
* You have a front wing.
* If you lower your car and add ground effects but retain the stock 14inch wheels with disc style wheel covers
* If you equate the sound of performance with the sound of a Weed Eater
* If you think bolting a fake muffler to one side to simulate dual exhaust is cool
* If you think colored head lights work better
* Clear tail lights and turn signals. They’re colored for a REASON!
* If you take mom's 4 door Honda accord and do any kind of mod to it
* You drive a Ford Escort station wagon with Kanji, wide tires, and Limp Bizkit stickers on the rear hatch
* You claim you lost the race because you had a passenger in the car.
* You claim how if you went from a roll you would have beat him.
* You claim you lost because you missed a shift... and your car is an automatic.
* You claim you lost because he must have been on the juice..
* Flying past the person who is 10 car lengths in front of you after they have put on their brakes.. and claim a victory.
* Tell everyone about how you lost the cop because of your "driving skills."
* you are a white kid driving an import.. wear baggy pants/hat turned around, walk with a fake limp and end every sentence with "yew know wha I'm sayin? Relate."
* drive around in a $20,000 import with $10,000 in mods.. and still live with your parents.
* You can relate to every line of the song "Pretty Fly For A White Guy" by the Offspring
* you take offense when I say.. "your sister is like your car.. small, tight and hard to get into."
* You are a skinny, backwards hat wearing, dog chain wallet, 2 ft wide pants leg, Limp Bizkit looking white boy *** with a badly applied peroxide hair color treatment and temporary rub-on tattoos!
* You've spent more on graphics and decals than you have in gas, for the whole year
* You sound like you're going 90, but you're creeping past 25
* You upgraded to the "big bore" 2 inch exhaust
* You lose 2 mpg by installing a body kit
* Your wing is so large that if you go faster than 65, your bumper drags
* You think "displacement" is something that happens to homeless people
* Yugo's give you a run for the money
* You continuously run red lights because they are invisible thru your red window tint
* 15's are considered HUGE rims
* You can reach back and defrost the rear window by hand
* You will race anyone, anytime, and already know that you will lose
* You think Moby is one of the greatest composers of our time
* You spend all your money pimping it out because spending money to make it faster is a waste
* Your little sister is the only one impressed with your car
* When you win a race, you don't really win, it's just that the other guy felt soooo sorry for you
* You think your mom's Corolla is fast
* The cross section of your exhaust tip is bigger than the contact patch of your tires
* Your aftermarket tach is bigger than your fist
* You bought the big ass tach to try to scare off the fast cars
* But all it does is let people know how hard you have to push it to exceed the legal speed limit
* You rev on school busses
* Hell, you rev on people in electric wheelchairs
* You buy and install custom rims a pair at a time
* YOU REALIZE THAT ALL OF THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND YOU STILL THINK YOU'RE COOL!!!
* You've entered a 12 step program called "How to come to terms with your limitations"
* The bill of your hat gets caught when you roll the window up
* You cut 2" holes in your rear bumper and don't know what they're for
* You cut 2" holes in your rear bumper and DO know what they're for
* You go to the auto paint store and pick out the most retina burning color you can find
* You buy race gas to drop you from 17.02 to 16.9 in the quarter, and then tell all your friends how fast you went
* You add a second battery to power all the neon, and the mini disco ball
* You add a wing on TOP of your car, 'cause wagons need down force too
* You've ever painted bare, raw fiberglass black and said "Look! It's just like carbon fiber!"
* You get pimped out props from the mini truck crowd
* You still only get dates from high school girls
* You actually own a pair of light up glasses from Checker Auto
* When you install your super phat wing, you put the pointy ends up
* You purchase and install a body kit, one piece at a time
* You saw the "Rice Boy" magazine in the back of Sport Compact, and inquired about a subscription
* Your brother is pissed cause you stole the muffler off his dirt bike (it was a direct fit!)
* Your dad is worried cause you bought a car with less displacement than his lawnmower

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