Ricer Math... shakes head

Nvidia · May 2, 2006

So there was this kid bitching today about how his new 80-dollar shift knob for his '05 Sentra didn't fit. Then he asked me how much HP my car was pushing.

I just shrugged, saying, "I don't know, never had it dyno'ed - between 280-320 RWHP depending on loss I guess."

Then he goes on this rice street racing website right in front of me and pulls up a picture of a two-cam set that's going for like 500 bucks. Then he says, "See those? They'll add 70HP to my car!"

"Really? 70 HP huh? To the flywheel or the wheels? (I decided to mess with him )"

"To the wheels! With those and my 2700-pound car, I could probably spank you pretty good"

"Those are pretty incredible gains for two cams. Usually when you're getting 70HP to the wheels off one mod it's some sort of forced induction, but from two cams? Incredible!!!!" I made sure the sarcasm was dripping in my voice with that last statement. Then I walked away.

Anyone else got any ricer math stories to share?

Roland69 · May 2, 2006

I told this guy with a honda he had an exhaust leak (fart can folgers chrome edition) and he told me it's cause he has ***HEADERS*** I said Headers is that a V4 holly sh-it do you have a cold air intake to. Na bra I got a Stage 2 power pipe with a skunk 2 throttle TUBE so I have to run 91 with octane boost and it's crazy cause I installed a posi. I said oh yea lets see some tire smoke. He's like na I roasted my tires lats night I don't wanna wreck em. I was like ok cool. Then he said his car had a chip that made his V-tek kick in around 5500 and pull hard to 9000 and it took out all his cut-outs. I said well light er up then. He did and what do you know ONE WHEEL PEEL.

This guy thinks he runs 12's I asked if he'd been to the track and he said no but that's what I've been told my car should run.
This was sat night he came to my friends house while we were drinking and after this little discussion I went on stangnet and started watching some vids and he came in and saw a black FOX GT running high 12's low 13's. and he said what's done to that I said it's pretty well stock with H/C/I slicks and a driver. He said Noooooo that thing is done they are a uhmmmmmm studder studder 15.9 sec stock. I said dude you do relize I have a 88 GT right I know thees cars alot better than you know your V-TALKING Civic. It wasn't long after that him and his big titted woman were on there way. And that's when I said light er up......butter cup. I think I pissed him off when he walked in the door and I told him he had an exhaust leak lol.

Roland69 · May 2, 2006

I have lots of theese stories but to many to post I'm a lill slow on the old key board that last one took almost 10 minutes lol.

kevin2m4 · May 2, 2006

Roland69 said:
light er up......butter cup.

LOL

dvs bullet · May 2, 2006

I used to work for an exhaust shop, and this kid was goin on about his buddies civic and how he does twelves in the 1/4 mile. So I let him go on for a while......... it was a long while. He then ask what kind of car I drive, I told him, and he went on about how his buddies car will kill mine ( mines not that fast, by mustang standards but....) and how it must suck havin to go though that much fuel......................... Thats when I finally spoke up and called him an idiot, it's funny how these kids think that you can get twelve second time slips from an import and still go half way around the world on a tank of gas.....

88_GT_5_oh · May 2, 2006

dvs bullet said:
it's funny how these kids think that you can get twelve second time slips from an import and still go half way around the world on a tank of gas.....

thats waht vtec is for, DUH!

Roland69 · May 2, 2006

1/8 mile is 1/4 mile for imports.

1991vert · May 2, 2006

88_GT_5_oh said:
thats waht vtec is for, DUH!

i wish i had 9 different cams and no torque...

Bad92GT · May 2, 2006

i dont even listen to them.. i tell them there ass clowns and if they want to talk cars, go get on a forum and call me in a year when they know wtf a piston is.. jackasses.. lol

74courier · May 2, 2006

there was this guy steve in my autobody class that had a civic and was always talking about how he did 11's in the 1/4 with a chip ,exhaust,header,cams,and a v-tec controller. everyone just kind of looked at him a laughed{most of the kids in class drove foxbodies,cougars,crapmaros}

RsStanG1987 · May 2, 2006

I usually walk away from them..

bynummustang · May 2, 2006

I was just feeling like being an ass, so I told them I put a cracked header on my 98 Civic and gained 12% HP. The crack lets the air get out quicker and better exhaust flow.

The bad thing is that the kids said, And Quote: Yeah, I heard that was the easy way to gain power. And Quote.

PonyboyIsaac · May 2, 2006

hello my foxbody brethren, i usually dont post here on 5.0 talk but i couldnt resist on this one.
I went to mcdonalds drive through a couple weeks ago and there was this hair ball high school kid gawking over my car, so he gave me my food(he wasnt even the one working drive through) and he asked me"that things all stock right?" that pretty much annoyed me becuz my car doesnt really sound stock even at idle and my hood says supercharged on it, so i told him "no,if i put supercharged on my hood its becuz its supercharged" and he was like "cool man", i got a turbo laser sitting over there, so i look to see where hes pointing and i see this early 90s wannabe mitsu eclipse looking thing without a rear bumper. I wanted to laugh but i kind of felt sorry for the kid at the same time. so i told him"turbo huh?how much boost you running" and he had a very confused look on his face like wah huh eh??? how many pounds of boost is all i said again, so then i could almost see the little gears in his head working as he made something up and he says 16 pounds. So i just told him wow and not to hurt himself with all that boost and i took off laughing.
Thats rice at its best, imaginary mods.

gcwh02 · May 2, 2006

nothing tops this rice lover i talked to who thinks a NEON(not srt4 either) with intake (intake meaning cold air,remember this is a rice lover i'm talking to) and exhaust will run 12's

DmnStr8 · May 2, 2006

I used to work with a kid you drove a nice Jetta 1.8t, but unfortunatly thought it was the end all of cars. Told me he had hung with LS1's from a roll and spanked 03-04SVT Cobras. I think he told me once that he had it chipped to push 22lbs of boost.

Now I know he had some work done to it, but I think he couldn't just help exagerating. I remember he let me drive it once and I liked it. Wished my civic picked up like that. So in return I took him for a ride in my stang (I had just bought it so I kinda was being an ass and not letting anyone else drive it). During this ride, I put it sideways, chirped 2nd, snapped him into the seat atleast 3 times, and everything else I could think of to show him the fun of domestics.

After we were done I asked how he liked it. He said he thought his car could edge out mine. Kid was a lost cause.

89white50 · May 2, 2006

a couple weekends ago this friend of mine (knows nothing about cars) who owns a Saab 9-3 with a big fart can and ironing board wing was telling me he thinks it be a close race. I told him to get in. after a 5 minute ride (tires were loose the whole time LOL) and him whipping the poop outta his pants and having a white face, he got out in front of 8 other friends. They all laughed when they saw he was white as a ghost and said "damnnnn, that thing is scary fast." thats when i knew all his stories about test driving z06's and cobra's were all lies...LMAO. his car so slow it makes me wanna cry, but hes a good kid so i took him to school. (he now has FAR more respect for mustangs)

Roland69 · May 2, 2006

If only more ricers would go for rides in theese cars we could convert them.

wythors · May 2, 2006

Roland69 said:
If only more ricers would go for rides in theese cars we could convert them.

Then we wouldn't have anyone to make fun of.

Roland69 · May 2, 2006

true dad but we can always make fun of Camaro's and mullets

fiveohwblow · May 3, 2006

Roland69 said:
true dad but we can always make fun of Camaro's and mullets

I'm in to make fun of slowmaros and mullets. the two go hand in hand!!

Ricer Math... *shakes head*

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