‘83 T-top Coupe - It’s Too Cold

Davedacarpainter said:

Ok, ok…..Nick is trying to shove me out of my hole i dug in the ground.

I‘m doing ok y’all.

I’ve kind of isolated myself in the past year or two. So don’t feel like I’m ignoring just you, I’ve been ignoring everyone, lol.

I‘ve found that the things and people I trusted and believed in for the past couple decades turned out to be a bit less trustworthy and believable than what I may have thought.

All of this came about one day when my daughter was visiting me. She started to cry and said, “Dad, I’m sorry I believed all the things mom told me about you”………..

I laughed a little when she said that and told her everything will be ok. Then I asked what her mom had told her. I won’t tell you the details, but trust me, I’m still trying to reach the knife imbedded in my back.

I asked her when her mom was telling her these things, she said when I was at work…..Back in the days when I was working 16 hour days to pay for the debt my ex would keep running up. Mind you, this was when my daughter was around five years old and continued through the years till we finally divorced.

Then a week later I had the boys over to have some ribeyes and beer (because I can, right?). I asked them gently if they knew about their mom and my daughter’s little “Your daddy is such a Dick” talks. They said sure, but they wanted me to know that they defended me and told her that the things weren’t true………they were being told the same disgusting things.

I was oblivious to these talks, I thought as my children became teenagers that it was natural that they were pulling away from me.

Bright side is that they all visit me and don’t seem to believe the bad things now, but the die was kind of cast since my ex started at such a young age with them. They grew up believing really horrible things about me, it established their emotions and way of thinking about their father. It’s more than a little difficult to change those well established thought processes once you become an adult.

So regardless of what I do with them now, everything is run through that filter.

The mother of my children basically stole my children from me. Why? I honestly can’t tell you. Back when she started these talks I thought I was in a happy marriage.

It makes things difficult for me to visit with my kids now. When I tell them something about life, or whatever, it’s being run through that filter. I feel like I have to explain things in excruciating detail so they can get what I really mean, then I worry that they get tired of talking to me because of the details I have to put in conversation now. It’s really fatiguing.

Then there’s all of my “friends” I had during that time. Guess how many wanted anything to do with me after the divorce? Now I understand why they didn’t reach out to me during my divorce. I’m sure they got to hear a few wonderful things about me as well.

So completes the destruction of Dave.

All that said, who cares? I’ll be fine, lol. Really though, I understand the emotional impact this is having on me. I also understand that I want to still live life and need to work through this.

So I’ve been isolating myself for the past couple years since these revelations came out. It’s easier not seeing disappointment in others eyes (for things I never did). I’m tired of explaining to try to get people to hear me. People don’t want to believe that another person can do such rotten things to their supposed loved one, and do it relentlessly over a couple decades. I wouldn’t have believed it had it not happened to me.

I would think at least surely Dave wasn’t an innocent in all of this, I would be wrong. Somehow I must have unintentionally tweaked the psycho inside my ex. I guess it was a trigger for her? Idk, I’m not even mad at her. I just want her away from me.

So I don’t trust pretty much anyone now. I know you guys weren’t part of all this, but paranoia makes for a really difficult time for all.

I haven’t given up on my car, its just been shoved to the side for awhile. Sanity first, Booger second.

I‘ll visit here again soon. Sorry for the lengthy explanation that has nothing to do with working on my car. Part of my explaining things in that excruciating detail, lol.

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