Fathers And Sons......... A Eulogy

CarMichael Angelo

my rearend will smell so minty fresh,
15 Year Member
Nov 29, 1999
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Birmingham, al
The 21st of the month I'll turn 59.

For years now, this has been jokingly referred to as my "If I make it past" year. Very short sighted I know, considering most of us expect to live well into our 80's. But for me,...I gotta get past 59. Ideally, I want to get well past it. There's only one small detail that nags at me..........

25 years ago today my father died of a massive heart attack.

He was 59. He died 16 days before his 60th.

This guy was a career enlisted man in the US Air Force. He enlisted in the early 50's and stayed in for 20. He retired at CMSGT, E-9, as high as you can go in the enlisted ranks. He had been A "Chief" for several years before retiring, and for most of my young life,......... I wanted to be just like him. Even as a know-it-all teenager, I was proud to walk beside him when he was in uniform. Despite the fact that he was 5.7," and I was 6' at the time,....He always seemed like the taller man.
I never knew him that much as I grew up. He was quiet, and it was hard for him to talk to us....He liked to fish, He could do anything with his hands, and he was a car guy. Not the kind we are,....He was more concerned w/ being able to balance a quarter on the air cleaner of a perfectly tuned, running engine, and all I wanted was to remove the freakin air cleaner completely. When I got my 65GT,..I asked him if we could rebuild the tired 289 that it had, and he said that it wouldn't make any difference,...trying to talk me out of it. When I got the Mach 1 he hated it,...btching about how hard that "big assed V8" was to work on.
He had a massive tool collection,...was always in the garage building some crazy assed solution to something because he was too cheap to buy the right stuff.
He smoked like a train the majority of his life, and we all had to endure that habit. I recall vividly the four of us packed into the family 4 door 62 Nova traveling between duty assignments with the windows rolled up while he smoked his Camels. I'm sure everyone of us smelled like we came straight out of a bar when we'd stop for the night at some cheap assed hotel.
He, and my mom had a terrible marriage for the same 20+ years (mostly of his own making) At the end of which he broke down mentally, and had to be hospitalized for a short period. I had to be witness to that. It "damaged" my respect for him dramatically. When he recovered, he left for long periods of time, and traveled the country in a 6 banger powered 73 Nova. I lost track of him for months, sometimes years. When he'd pop back in, he'd want me to go to the bar with him to have a drink,...problem with that was that he'd already been there too long already.
Eventually, he met another woman and remarried. He moved to Arkansas where he'd always wanted to go back to (His first duty assignment was Little Rock AFB, It was a SAC base back then) All the time he was married to my mom, Arkansas was his go-to for retirement. He went there, and he got saved. By this woman, and by God.

I still was never close,...the Woman in his life and her son became priority one,.. He wasn't there for my first wedding, nor was he there for my second. His new wife had him believing that all we wanted him for was money,...all I wanted was the guy that I used to be proud to walk next to.

After I got married the second time, I reached out to him a couple of times, but each time the conversation was forced,...both of us with nothing to say,..waiting on the end so we could hang up and get on with our lives.
At some point he had lung cancer, and had to have part of one of them removed. She didn't let us know about that...I was never called and invited down to see him,...he was never called and invited up to see us.

When I got the news that he died...I took it hard. I cried a little,... and mourned a relationship that never really existed....I traveled to Arkansas, and sat through a Baptist funeral w/ a Military burial detail attached ...... He is buried in a row of white at the Little Rock National Cemetery.

I revisited his gravesite on the tenth year anniversary of his death, and looking down at the small piece of white marble that marks his grave in a row of thousands, the reality hit me even harder that he's gone,.....Even now as I write this, it's very hard to see through tears. You love your family despite everything, hoping for stuff that would've never been,...wishing that you had done more when you could have.

So here's my take away for today,.....5 days from my 59th,.....25 years today from the death of my father, who was 16 days from his 60th....

If your parents are still alive, do what you can to be with them. Forgive them their faults if you can. Find a way to connect even if only by phone...cause most certainly, one day they'll be gone
 
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My mom is 59 today, I called to tell her happy birthday and that I love her.

...You better not pull any funny business before you get to drive your ass west and meet up with whoever can make it!
 
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My dad was my best friend as a child. I grew up watching him work on cars for a living. Grew up with a car hobby from the time i could crawl because of him. He was the best father a son could've asked for honestly and the sun rose and set around my mother and i in his eyes . What i now know as a younger adult is that i also got to watch him slowly deteriorate. Juvenile Diabetes, having survived two strokes by 30 etc. He never stopped fighting with the hand he was dealt from child hood until his last day as far as his health went.

Hell be gone 18 years March 1st. He passed 9 days after my 8th birthday. He went into the hospital for his final time only a few days after that birthday.

He was 32 when he passed. His 50th was Sept 14th.

What Ive learned in life so far is that no matter how young or how old you've lost a parent , how great or lacking the relationship may have been - everyone shares the same pain and burden that's been through it.
 
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I won't even begin to talk about my crazy life, but I truly believe that God has a plan for each one of us. For me, I believe it is to raise my kids in a way that they never know or live my past. I have made so many mistakes in my life, but I look at my little ones and see innocence and bright futures. I want them to grow up feeling loved, having fond memories, to know Christ and to have their own, functional families. I have been without my father for almost 20 years now, I don't know how long I have left, but I pray it is long enough to make an impact on their lives. I've only shed tears a handful of times in my adult life, but I can almost do it by just looking at my kids play. They are the best thing that has ever happened to me. I hope and pray that I don't mess it up.

There are so many things that separate us in this world....but then we are all so much alike. I wish you all the best in life.

Joe
 
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I wish many more years to everyone, especially Mike with the Monster's protection.

Now on a lighter side note, has no one else noticed Mike is almost the exact age of Walter White,,,,the plot thickens
 
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Interesting similarities. My pop was also an Air Force NCO and Vietnam vet. I can't remember him in uniform, but I do remember his retirement ceremony. He retired as an E8 to follow mom as she was reassigned to Florida, near where he grew up. He died of lung cancer after 40 years of smoking at age 55 in April of 2000 two months before I reported to West Point for college. I was scared/intimidated by him as a little kid, but we bonded over go-kart racing in my early teenage years. I was his driver and he was my pit crew ;-). He taught me to wrench and drive, coached me through football, and showed me how to take care of myself and stand up for others. I loved the family camping and boating weekends. I miss him and think of my childhood family time as the greatest time in my life. I wish I'd known that then!

Thanks for sharing your story, Mike. Hearing it reminded me of how fortunate I was.
 
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Great story Mike. To all those who lost your Dad, my thoughts and prayers go out to you. Seems we all share some aspects of our lives. My dad service in the Air Force in Korea and we went fishing, worked on cars, and generally had a great father/son relationship. The poor guy at 55 was diagnosed with Luekemia and they gave hime 6 months to live. Rather than give up, he sucked it up and went to MD Anderson in Houston for at that time was a new experimental drug called Interferon. There were no gaurantees it would work and it was $40,000 a year with no insurance reimbursement but with nothing to lose, he said WTF. The guy had to get his bone marrow tapped 4 times a year- if you've ever heard of that then you know the pain I am talking about. He had to inject himself 2 times a day with this drug that attacks your organs as a side effect. It aged him easy 10 years.

Long story short, Dad became the longest living Leukemia survivor in the US- they gave him 6 months and he ended up after 20 years beating the Leukemia and going into remission. Now God has a sick sense of humor sometimes.... less than a year after he went into remission,, he was diagnosed with gioblastoma- the most aggressive form of brain cancer. He was dead in 3 months at 75. He never got to enjoy retirement, his grandkids, or the fruits of working all his life. He never complained a day in his life or bitched that he got a bum deal. There is not a day that goes by tthat i don't think about him. Sometimes I get mad and wonder why God did tis to him, but then I try and focus on the good times we had and the values he instilled upon me.

They don't make them like our Dad's anymore. They didn't bitch, complain, or let you know if they were hurting. They were strong men who knew what it meant to be a role model and raise their children to be good citizens. We need more of them today.

Love you Dad.
 
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My dad is 76. I spent the first half of my life upset with him over leaving after him and my mother got divorced. I didn't see him for a number of years as a child, but after becoming a young man, and learning to be a little more objective.. I figured out all of the crap my mother put in my head about him was false. For the last 20 or so years I've worked on making up for lost time. I cherish the time we spend together these days, and enjoy nothing more than listening to his stories about the old days. Friday I'm loading him up in my s550 and driving him to Dallas. His 1st cousin passed away, and we are going to the service and to visit with the family. I hate that the family has to come together in that situation, but I'm glad I can be there to take him.
 
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My dad, two older brothers and I used to go to St Louis to the NHRA drags for my dad's birthday every year. He and John Force share a birthday. A few years ago we dropped off just due to growing families, busy lives, random excuses. You guys certainly motivated me to plan the weekend this spring/summer to start that up again. Its a four day weekend of stories over breakfast, beer in the stands, walks in the pits, and nights out on the town being remotely rowdy. There is nothing not to enjoy about it! I am sorry so many of you have lost your parents, but I am glad you bring this sort of thing up so those of us who havent can get them in the front of our minds again. Lastly, @madmike1157 , I hope the death of your father at a young age somehow helped motivate you to take car of yourself and try to outlast that goal of yours. You are a good guy bud, and the world needs more like you and several others on here.
 
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Thanks for sharing Mike(and everyone else). My dad is still with me. He will be 64 this January. He had his first heart attack at 36. He has had over 12 stents,2 open heart surgeries including a transplant on my daughters birthday(may 20th). We are blessed every day and I thank the Lord he allowed him to stay. He has been my best friend(well when I didn't need a butt kicking at least lol). I have him beat though I had my stents in 06(35years old) lol. I hope every day to make it past 60. Just lost another cousin this summer(42) to a heart attack. That's the 3rd one who I've lost before their 45th birthday. To say we have bad genes is an understatement. Maybe this is all TMI but I felt like sharing. Men tend to ignore their health(especially single guys). Make sure to get a physical every year. It saved my life.

Being a parent is the best and some days the worst thing. My children worry me constantly and I love them dearly. I tried to be the best Dad in the world to them(like my fathers example). I feel I probably failed at that level of success but still strive every day to meet that standard. Parenting doesn't come with a manual. I wish there was a troubleshooting one available though. :) Love my family. Good and Bad.
 
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I like hearing good stories about y'alls fathers.

Let me give you a different bend to the story, with a moral at the end.

I'm the youngest of eight kids, my father was scum.

My father made clear to me in the late sixties that he was tired of raising kids, figures, right? Maybe if i had been born number three or four..... I was a whopping seven in 1969 when he informed me of his great fatigue.

My father abused several of us kids, i saw some, and learned some from my brothers and sisters as we got older and would meet up. The more we shared, the more we became disgusted, not just with the freak who happened to be our father, but with ourselves. As though somehow, without knowledge of doing so, we contributed to the abuse.

It was bad enough that we haven't met as a family in years, somehow it makes us almost feel dirty being close to one another. Though, what did we do? Why should we feel so loathsome, not of each other, but of ourselves. This is the only group that could possibly understand, yet we can't be with each other.

My mother used to put make up on my face so people wouldn't ask too many questions when we went to church. I would be whipped so badly that my legs, butt and lower back would bleed. I wasn't a rotten kid either, i was quiet though.

It goes on and on. When i was sixteen, my mother and father had gone off to mexico city on a vacation. I left home. Some of the guys at the mcdonalds i worked at needed a roommate right then. I moved there. I didn't tell my parents i left, i didn't call, i didn't write (no internet back then). I left that cocksucker behind.

I would get up at five in the morning, do homework, drive to school in a car i bought with money i earned. Worked at a body shop until it closed, then work at mcdonald's till closing. Get up in the morning and repeat.

I joined the Army in Jul of '79, went active duty in June of 1980. Four days after i graduated high school. I spent eleven years in the army thousands of miles away, it was glorious. I loved being in the army.

I stayed away after i got out, then one day i found out my mother had a stroke.....

I came home. i had been gone fifteen years. My mother wasn't able to speak, she just looked at me with tears in her eyes and smiled and made cooing noises that i imagined was her saying she missed me so much and loved me. Three days later, she had a fever that spiked up to 107, and she died. My beautiful, sweet mother....

My dad had left her hospital bed to be with his whore just a couple hours before she died. He wasn't there when she passed. I had gone to sleep just prior to her passing. I missed her last moments. Everyone else had left to go deal with their grief in the ways they could. I was alone with my mom and kissed her on her still hot forehead and said goodbye.

The priest made over my father saying things like, "poor Bob". Others made it sound like my dad was a saint. He wasn't. I left again.

My wife, at the time, and i broke up and divorced. I wasn't the best company anymore, i guess. No where to go, what do i do? I went back to my home town.

Five years pass, my dad decides to marry whore #2 or #3. She's had five previous husbands that all have died. Think my father was bright enough to see a pattern? Not so much. I get a call from Jane (his wife) (i know, the Jetsons) saying my father has had a stroke. Within a month, he's dead. I was one of his palbearers, all i could think of when taking his coffin to the grave is, "fat bastard, you're heavy".

I've spent my life with my children doing everything to not be my father. Not always for the best results, but my children KNOW that i love them. When they were little, i cried almost as much as they did when they got a paddling. All forms of PTSD can creep up on a guy.

I cherish my children, how could a father do the horrible things my father had done to me and my siblings?

Soooo, the moral of the story. If you're one of the pieces of garbage that hurts your children, know they grow up and will retain scars that effect how they are even into their fifties and sixties. You cause damage that will ruin lives.

But if you love them, and if your father loves/loved you, understand what a beautiful thing you have and thank god for it. Don't take it for granted, you are blessed with something only you can have with your father or your children. No one else can have that with them. Remember, wether it's their day to pass, or yours, you loved this person, and it was good. Even the passing is a good and proper thing, because that's the way of life.

My children will weep one day when i pass, and it will be good for them that they do. Because i will have loved them, and they me.

BTW, what's all these stories of fathers passing in their fifties?! Geez!
 
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My "Father" lives less than 10 miles from me, yet has chosen not to be a part of my life since I was less than a year old. Thankfully my Mom met and married my stepdad when I was 8. He raised me as his own, taught me about cars and other things, helped me go to college and helped me get where I am. He is and always will be my Dad. I love my 2 boys, they are my world. I can't even imagine how a man can walk out on his kids.

I think I dodged a bullet though, I found out a few years ago my birth father is a Chevy guy..... whereas my step dad bought a 66 mustang project car for us to work on back when I was 15. :D
 
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My dad was a very hard working man. He was a mechanic for years at a local garage before going to work (as a mechanic lol.) for the local Transit Authority. We had a great relationship, we always went to car shows and to drag races,we went to the Nationals in Indy for years.. Some of my favorite times :)
My dad was sick for awhile, he had esophageal cancer,went through chemo/radiation and had the surgery, he was even cancer free for a little over a year.. But it came back-and with a vengeance,cancer developed in his lungs,his liver and eventually his brain.. one week before my oldest Sons birthday he passed away in his home. My sister,me and a couple other people where with him. That was the hardest night of my life,and a moment I'll never forget.. He was only 54 when he passed,but I am grateful for every minute I had with him,an am blessed for all that he taught me and all the love he gave me... Now I am sad... lol
 
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Well then......The epilogue.

I am by far NOT my father. He lived a different life that I think had to do with the time he lived it in. I just think that some people don't know how to be a parent. Doesn't mean that they don't love you,..they just don't know what to do. I think that was the case with my dad.

I consider my life as a child to be my education on how NOT to be my dad. I love both of my kids and would do anything for either of them. My current marriage has managed to last for 31 years this New Years Eve (For what ever stupid reason,..we decided to get married on NYE) We go out and enjoy each other's company,..and fortunately we make enough money to afford to do it.

The kids have watched us interact with each other, and they will take that with them into their relationships. I know they love me, and I love them back. They both love and respect their mother,..

We hope to be here for many years to enjoy them, and any grand children that they bring into the fold. I haven't ever smoked, and save for bad knees, a torn tendon in the ball of my foot, and arthritis,....I'm otherwise healthy.

And that is the final bit of bad news I have for you guys,.......You'll have to put up with me....Long after all of you have caved into the temptation to buy some new wannabe belly button all electric S1100 Mustang in the far off future,...I'll be tearing up the roads with the Monster. :burnout:
 
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Thanks to all of you for sharing your stories. I'm sorry that some of you had bad experiences with your fathers and I'm shocked at how young some of them were when they passed away.

I still have both of my parents and I feel like I understand them more with every day that passes. We don't always see eye to eye, but my father taught me to have my priorities straight and be an honest, hardworking man. I will always appreciate that.

Thanks to you Mike for sharing and congratulations on getting this far. I wish you many more years.

Sent from my Pixel using Tapatalk
 
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Well then......The epilogue.

I am by far NOT my father. He lived a different life that I think had to do with the time he lived it in. I just think that some people don't know how to be a parent. Doesn't mean that they don't love you,..they just don't know what to do. I think that was the case with my dad.

I consider my life as a child to be my education on how NOT to be my dad. I love both of my kids and would do anything for either of them. My current marriage has managed to last for 31 years this New Years Eve (For what ever stupid reason,..we decided to get married on NYE) We go out and enjoy each other's company,..and fortunately we make enough money to afford to do it.

The kids have watched us interact with each other, and they will take that with them into their relationships. I know they love me, and I love them back. They both love and respect their mother,..

We hope to be here for many years to enjoy them, and any grand children that they bring into the fold. I haven't ever smoked, and save for bad knees, a torn tendon in the ball of my foot, and arthritis,....I'm otherwise healthy.

And that is the final bit of bad news I have for you guys,.......You'll have to put up with me....Long after all of you have caved into the temptation to buy some new wannabe belly button all electric S1100 Mustang in the far off future,...I'll be tearing up the roads with the Monster. :burnout:
Damn, I was kind of hoping to get the monster from your kids here in a couple years......
 
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Damn, I was kind of hoping to get the monster from your kids here in a couple years......
Naah,.....this car will be one of those "Dad 's messing with the Monster again" kinda things when people wanna know why I'm making a whole bunch of noise at 73 in the garage. Only way I'd guess you'd get it would be to buy it from one of them....But considering neither of them are actually car guys......It'd go cheap.
Can you hold out for another 25 years or so?
 
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Naah,.....this car will be one of those "Dad 's messing with the Monster again" kinda things when people wanna know why I'm making a whole bunch of noise at 73 in the garage. Only way I'd guess you'd get it would be to buy it from one of them....But considering neither of them are actually car guys......It'd go cheap.
Can you hold out for another 25 years or so?
I've been imbalming myself on a regular basis, I'll make it..
 
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Thanks to all who have shared.
Sorry to those who have less than favourable memories.
My Dad... is a Hollywood script of a perfect father. Taught me hard work(physical and mental), honesty, respect, when to turn the other cheek, when to stand up for yourself, and for others. Taught me what a good butt whoopin' was all about and how praise feels when earned. Taught me how to play hockey, lacrosse, baseball, football, karatee and to ride a bike. Rarely missed a practice, much less a game... even into my 30's playing senior hockey and lacrosse he'd be there. Taught me mechanics, and carpentry (he is a self employed contractor(for all of my life), builds furniture for fun). He was and still is a jokester, and taught me to laugh and how to make those around me to the same.
My after school time was spent getting homework done, so when Dad got home from work we could play. We'd practice football lacrosse baseball in our large back yard in the summer, and in the winter he would make a rink and we'd play schinny. Then, when I went to bed, he'd sit up half the night doing paperwork, schedules, billing and estimates... but that stuff never happened while I was awake.
He drag raced when he was younger, and got me going that direction when I bought the Mouse... and, you guessed it, never missed an outing.
I have a younger brother and sister, they grew up every bit as active as I did, and, he had the same amount of time for them.
I don't know how he did it.
I was lucky to be born very early in his life, and I have memories of him as a chiseled rugged athletic machine. He is a giant of man at 5'-7" and 150lbs.
We live 3500 miles apart now.
We talk every Sunday on the phone, often for over an hour.
We e-mail and text through the week from time to time... little one liners but still... contact.
 
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