girl help (cant believe im doing this)

[fivespeedsteed]

so my gf for about 11 months and i are are going over a bumpy road right now. its just now gotten me worried enough to ask for advice. we see each other allot, and i sometimes think of what it would be like to be single. but overall i love her to death./ and i dont want that to change at all.

so my biggest issue with her is that she never seems to put up a fight to make things better. for instance we argue, and she just gets mad at me, and i have to apologize to get anywhere, then once we are happier with each other she will apologize. one time i did leave her house in an argument and she actually got in her car and came after me, but thats the only time i can think of. usually its me trying to keep her attention and keeping her from leaving me....

i just got back from out of town and earlier today we were arguing a little and i told her how important to me it is that she try to make things better sometimes.

so tonight me and her sister and her cousin and her b.f. are sitting around playing ddr in the garage. im up there looking like a dumbass, and when i look over at my g.f. and her sis after im done there giggling at me. (ive been made fun of allot of my life and hate it with a passion) so i go sit back in the end of the room. i wanted her to come to me and ask if everything was ok. after 20 minutes of her sitting on the couch and playing ddr she comes over and is all like whats wrong with you. so i try to explain whats wrong and she just gets mad at me. i end up driving her and her sis home, which is what i was supposed to do, and she sits in the car with me and talks for a little, trys to get out, i stop her we talk sommore , yadda yadda, i try tellign her how important it is for her to try to fix things sometimes, and eventualy she gets so mad she gets out, slams the doornotnice and goes inside.

she wont answer my calls, and she just texts me how our relationship isnt worth it. which happens allot, we always get over it.

so i cant help but wonder, how does this stack up with most other relationships. i really think we have something going for us, we seem to have good chemistry and we love each other to death, i just dont know if i can take me feeling like a girl all the time and apologizing first. when we watched the movie click i showed her how the girl actually apologized to adam sandler, the guy in the marrage, and how she would always try to make things better.

is this the way all relationships are? if it is, ill just go on ahead and get over it and keep going the way i am. i just want to make sure that im not forgetting anything obvious that could help me out.

fire away with advice guys, my waterheater in the house is broken, the place smells like wood stain, i have to work the next 4 days, and my g.f is very mad at me.

sorry i sound so emo. if i ever needed stangnets help, not critisizm, this is the time.

 

[Fett]

As Dear Abby used to say, are you better off with her or without her?

YES, I used to read Dead Abby....so what?!

Anyway, I can tell you this. I have been in a lot of relationships, and am currently in my second marriage. Most of my other relationships were like yours...maybe not to that extreme. We would argue, some of which I argued with more frequently than others. Every single one of them eventually ended when one of us got sick and tired of fighting. It was easy to tell the real bad ones, because if we weren't arguing, we were screwing...so they were screw/fight relationships. Half of the time it was great, the other half sucked hard. Others we just argued too much and it got to be a hassle..so I would eventually leave.

My current wife, whom I have been married to for 2 years, been together for 4.5, and have known for 7 years...we NEVER fight. Every once and again one of us will be in a bad mood, but we don't argue or fight. We leave one another alone until the bad mood passes. The only fight we got into was when the baby was 4 months old and never slept...so in our overtiredness we got into one fight. Other than that, we never fight.

The problem is when fighting is used to solve issues or problems. Because that shows that you don't communicate with one another enough to solve the issues without it getting into an argument. You figure most arguments are over something stupid that one person does or says to the other. They are usually reoccurring issues such as spending too much money, not spending enough time with the other, or just plain doing something stupid. So it eventually comes down to an argument. If you talked out the problem and brought issues to the others attention PRIOR to fighting, you two can resolve any issues before they get out of hand. That is the #1 problem with couples. They simply don't talk.

When I do something that pisses my wife off, she tells me about it in a mature and non-scolding fashion, and I fix the problem. 99% of the time I am not even aware that what I am doing angers her. Same goes with me, if she does something that pisses me off, I let her know and she corrects the problem.

So try talking out your problems before they become an argument and see if that makes things better. If you continue to fight, you might as well break it off now and stop wasting your time.

 

[rigamaroles]

In bare honesty format....It sounds like you both need to develope relationship maturity. I was in that place a few years ago, and sometimes I still wish that I got out of it alot sooner than I did (4+ years).

From the way you wrote and the things you said you sound to be in your younger years. I would suggest parting ways. I played the "but I do love her" routine to death. Tina Turner had it right, whats love got to do with it? You have to like the person, get along 99% of the time, not 1% of the time. Take this lesson and a few more you'll learn along the way so that you can apply it to a good relationship, as that one isnt.

Its just a learning curve, and its all a positive experience, you just have to learn when to quit sometimes, and you also have to admit when you're being irrational too. You cant get blood from a stone after all....

 

[90blacknight]

First off, and without sounding too critical, I think you need to "man up" a little and quit chasing after her for forgiveness every time you two get into an argument. I'm willing to bet that more often than not, it's she that should be coming after you with an apology. Also, It's not healthy to keep living in fear of her leaving you. I find that when you worry about it and are generally insecure about your relationship, then you're on your way to losing her. Sometimes you have to show that you're prepared to walk away, even when you're not. You don't want to seem like the poor sap that never has any choice but to come back.
You definitely need to readjust your attitude. Be firm in your beliefs and be more assertive. And one note about love; when someone loves you they don't giggle and make fun of you behind your back. Keep that in mind and keep us posted.

 

[310stanger]

Honestly dude and im not raggin on ya. Jus givin ya what i would do.... Grow a pair of balls and stop being so sensitive. If she doesnt reciprocate what it is you want in your relationship move on and go to someone else who will. Theres plenty of girls for you I promise. Heck jus the fact that you show her that the world doesnt stop for you without her will show her that your someone that she should make an effort for. This is if she really likes u. If you keep this up shes gonna start going into observation mode. This is when she looks at other dudes as prospects. You dont want this.

 

[Roland69]

<---------- LOOK AT THE AVATAR

 

[90mustangGT]

She sounds immature from what you have said. The problem with that is some grow up, some get worse. She seems to be getting things her way, so why does she want to change. If you two are fighting about little stupid crap, and your not living togeather or married, that is not a good sign. I'm not saying break up, I'm saying something needs to give. Some good advice before my post.

 

[stykthyn]

I agree with everyone elses statement. stop chasing her. if you have to go 90% and she only gives 10 then there is something wrong. She wont answer your calls and tells you its not worth it then let her go. It sounds hard, but it really isnt. By being man enough to not go crawling back and make it look like you are always to blame for everything she will either
1) Respect you a hell of a lot more and give you more credit
2)Move onto something else
either way you will be in a much better position than you are now

 

[90mustangGT]

Next time...

View attachment 414268



Sorry, Had to do it. Don't really do it, you'll go to jail.

 

[jete]

/\
I
I
HAHAHAHAHAH!!!

90% of the time i fight with my girl im never right 10% im glad to say I am. Im really surprised my wife is still with me. Not alot of help but most of the time i spend apologizing. EXCEPT about my car. Ive called her a bitch anytime shes said ANYTHING about how much money I blow on my car. "You spent $150 on headers?" or "You spent $1000 on a transmission?" "WTF is wrong with you?" I kiss ass except for the important things. My goal in life is a car that gives girls orgasms. Makes my job easier, I can just nut on her face afterwards

 

[Darkwriter77]

Being that I've always been one better at giving advice than following that of others (or my own), 'tis my duty to submit the following words of (un)wisdom:

First off, ditch the chick. Secondly, man up. And third, don't repeat history with the next chick you find.

Don't you hate how, when you're watching something like Jerry Springer and there's this couple where one person or the other is treating them like crap, or they just plain don't get along at all, the inevitable question comes out: "If you're so miserable being with them, why don't you leave them?"
"BUT I LOVE HIM/HER!" (or, in the typical Jerry Springer tranny case, sometimes the phrase would be "But I love IT!" )
So, cut that little phrase out of your list of reasons to keep bailing water out of this sinking ship right away, and take a look at the rest.

I'm going to jump on the bandwagon a little bit here and use something along the same lines as what everyone else has precluded their responses with: "I'm not trying to bust your chops here, guy ... BUT ..." Instead, let me put it this way: I'm going to give you a straight answer to your (relatively) straight question, and it's probably not going to seem pleasant, so please take a moment to read through it fully and consider it without getting all defensive and/or hurt over it before you go clicking the Quick Reply icon.

Okay, so let me get this straight: You're playing Dance Dance Revolution, you suddenly developed some feelings of persecution and/or ridicule, and you expected your girlfriend to sense your insecurity and thereby rush to soothe your bruised feelings. But, since she wasn't willing/able to somehow kiss it and make it better, you got pissy. Being that this apparently isn't the first time this sort of thing has happened, she's grown sick of it and threatens to drop you. You freak out, can't imagine having to go back to being single again and starting the whole dating process all over again with someone else, and you turn totally desperate in the vain hopes that you can convince this chick she needs to be with you.

That's what I interpreted from the above original post, anyway.

That being said, you've CLEARLY got some issues with insecurity, self-esteem, and/or perspective. You're young enough and relatively new enough to the dating "game" to make serious changes early on without it being a huge ordeal involving psych meds and a shrink, which is a good thing, so it's time to nip this stuff in the bud ASAP before it becomes a permanent thing. Regarding each of these issues:

1. You're too preoccupied with worrying about her leaving you. Know why? Because, perhaps on a subconscious level, you're hearing yourself say or observing some of the things that you do, and you realize that it's not kosher. You probably know better than to nag on her to "fix" this and "fix" that, but you give in to the urge to do so, and it doesn't yield good results. I'm not sure what magickal act it is you're expecting her to perform to "fix" things after an argument, aside from stroking and soothing your seemingly bruised ego (which is something very few chicks will do - usually, it's supposed to be the other way around), but you're just going to have to learn to let the little things slide. It's a little bit like people who are suspicious of their mates cheating on them; if you keep throwing the accusation in their face, eventually they WILL wind up cheating on you, just out of spite. Everyone has squabbles. Not every disagreement is a "fight" unless you make it into one ... or unless you really ARE a fighting couple, in which case you REALLY aren't a good match. In short, DON'T BE A DRAMA KING, and don't pander to any chick's natural tendency to be a drama queen.

2. Part of being a man is knowing when NOT to kiss ass (which is about 90% of the time) and when a little bit of brown-nosing is expected or necessary (about 10%). This doesn't mean you need to be an insensitive jerk to a woman, just don't bow and scrape to her every urge or perceived desire. Chicks have this weird urge to constantly test guys - for some, it's a learned trick, and for others, it's just natural - and if they find that you're too much of a pushover, too easy to boss around, then they will not respect you. They do it on a subtle level. Ever listen to Jeff Foxworthy? Remember his story about his wife "training" him? ("I'm hot," she said. And so he automatically gets up out of bed to go adjust the thermostat.) Just the same, don't expect a chick to kiss your ass all of the time, either. When a chick ass-kisses a guy, she is totally nuts for the dude and worships him ... or she's a manipulative wench, and she's buttering him up for something. In short again, learn to be confident in yourself enough that you're not going to take everything that anyone says or does as some kind of personal insult. So what if the world laughs at you? Drop your drawers, bend over, and tell 'em to kiss the stink.

3. I would try to use the logic of "if she was acting the way you are, you wouldn't like it," but frankly ... and sorry if this sounds like a slam against you, but really ... you're acting exactly like a chick tends to act. LEARN TO STOP DOING IT NOW. Please. Seriously. Chicks depend upon guys to be steadfast and in control of their own emotions, to be a solid shoulder to cry upon when it's needed, to be their emotional protector and save haven when their seas of emotion are too rough to safely sail. A woman is NOT going to want to deal with another woman in a relationship (which is why girly-girl lesbians are pretty much a total fantasy and not reality), so if they can't depend upon you to be The Man, then they'll see you as being of no use to them in a relationship. It's a Freudian thing; girls tend to want a father figure in their life (sort of how guys naturally tend to be attracted to women that somehow remind them of their own mother).

So, again, let this chick go. She's grown to lose respect for you, and that can be a damn tough thing to earn back again. I know, it sucks, but cut those ties that bind and just let 'er go, man. Now that you're free-floating on your own, do a bit of self-analysis, work out your issues and take note of how they affected this past relationship, and then go hunting for another chick. Avoid making the same mistakes, be confident and sure in yourself, kiss nobody's ass, and above all, learn to be The Man in a relationship.

Now ... can someone tell me where I can meet a friendly, happy-go-lucky, Asian chick between 21-35 that likes horror flicks, karaoke, random road trips in a Mustang, and enjoying life in general?

 

[poneypower89]

an asian chick that likes karate? sounds a little cliche to me


I had an asian chick once... she liked country music and mud bog'n... fun girl.

 

[fivespeedsteed]

wow thanks for the replies all of you, you really didnt have to type out all that. now that i have slept on it, i do realize how it was girly to get upset and all, and how most of the time its my fault.

dont get mad at me but im just gonna let her come to me somehow. and try to be more of a man with all of this than i have been. if she wants to see me then i have what i want.

i really appreciate all of this. thanks again. keep posting more if you want.

 

[sjhm9102]

you da man

 

[jrichker]

I sentence you to watching Dr Phil every day for a month... You be amazed at what you learn...

 

[Darkwriter77]

Since when did karaoke become a form of karate?

 

[89streetbeast]

i was in that same boat a few times man. always thought the girl was right and apologized for everything i did. realized one day it wasnt me it was the girls. after about 3 years of being single and just havin one night repeated stands i finally came back down and wanted to settle down again. the girl i have now is amazing compared to the rest of the ones i dated. she doesnt care what i do, doesnt ask me what im doing all the time. and lets me work on my car ( which is a plus!) without throwing the "look at me all day" fit lol. just have to sit back watch how they act and make your decisions. good luck man

 

[bubba-dough]

Take a little bit from all of these posts and you may just learn something.

 

[iLkYsPoNy]

I'll repeat it again, if step up and stop chasing her you'll really see how your relationship is. Your mad, she's mad, and if she doesn't step and say something then she's not committed to the relationship. Get rid of her.

 

[MGD]

SCHWEET avatar!