Looking for a pretentious hat to wear while driving my cabriolet

Noobz347 · Oct 11, 2011

LAVAgt2012 said:
I think a flesh colored pipe for you to smoke would better suit your "status"

Oh... erm... I mean...

How droll.

N8Dogg98 · Oct 11, 2011

Have you considered purchasing a monocle?

Noobz347 · Oct 11, 2011

N8Dogg98 said:
Have you considered purchasing a monocle?

+1!!!

StatusKill · Oct 11, 2011

LAVAgt2012 said:
I think a flesh colored pipe for you to smoke would better suit your "status"

N8Dogg98 said:
Have you considered purchasing a monocle?

Hahahahaha! It's about damn time someone other than myself post some real humor!

Will someone please help me decide on a status pipe for cripes sake? I really want this thread to begin it's decent to the bowels of SN. I'm looking to start my infamous "Post your status kills on bums here" thread by Friday, Saturday at the latest. Even with my razor sharp wit and shrewd sense for all that is funny I am not sure I could tend to two threads at once.

All I am looking for in a pipe is very high status. I want a pipe that, along with my hat, will make me look rich after I leave the glorious confines of the leather covered cockpit of my cabriolet. I would like the pipe to be a deep, rich tone such as cherry or mahogany. Gold accents and animal heads such as that of a lion, eagle, Minotaur, etc are also a plus.

TIA
SK

N8Dogg98 · Oct 11, 2011

It is difficult to select a pipe without first knowing the color and finish of the monocle. Also:

Do you have many leather bound books?

Does your apartment smell of rich mahogany?

Noobz347 · Oct 11, 2011

N8Dogg98 said:
It is difficult to select a pipe without first knowing the color and finish of the monocle. Also:

Do you have many leather bound books?

Does your apartment smell of rich mahogany?

Speaking of which... back to the wheel thing for a moment. Have you considered installing a set of mohogany wheels???

'13_ImpactBlue_GT · Oct 11, 2011

Noobz347 said:
Speaking of which... back to the wheel thing for a moment. Have you considered installing a set of mohogany wheels???

With some fine Corinthian leather.........and some Ostrich floor mats. Or take the ****er back to Hertz and GTFO

ID89GT · Oct 11, 2011

Is this guy serious?

Noobz347 · Oct 11, 2011

ID89GT said:
Is this guy serious?

This R Seereeus bizness.

streethorse · Oct 11, 2011

2011_Ram_RT said:
With some fine Corinthian leather.........and some Ostrich floor mats. Or take the ****er back to Hertz and GTFO

He aint gonna leave so Im tryin to help him out.

Status I have found the pipe for you! Very elegant with a hint of matching
Blue to compliment your awesome F'n V6. You know what I mean.....
A little bit of that Kentucky Gold to compliment the Moonshine Still I
suggested earlier. Its a medical issue so its all legal...
This will help you get over your excessive compulsive obsession
with what you call...."Status"

StatusKill · Oct 11, 2011

N8Dogg98 said:
It is difficult to select a pipe without first knowing the color and finish of the monocle. Also:

Do you have many leather bound books?

Does your apartment smell of rich mahogany?

Appartments are for the poor (in Kentucky). I manage rental property for a living. I own my house.

My home wreaks of rich mahogany. The smell is overwhelming. I once made a poor Dodge Ram work truck driver pass out from the smell (he was laying tile in my kitchen).

I also have a large number of leather bound books. Encyclopedias, almanacs, year books to the wazoo; all perched upon a rich man's mahogany book shelf.

I also have several exotic wheels of cheese and a trophy grade Maltese who has been know to consume the entire wheel in a single sitting.

StatusKill · Oct 11, 2011

Noobz347 said:
Speaking of which... back to the wheel thing for a moment. Have you considered installing a set of mohogany wheels???

Boy am I glad I joined this forum. Now I'm really thinking outside the box. Maybe I should go all wood. Take a look:

Wooden top hat

16 spoke wooden wheels (if anyone has the proper offsets please post)

Status laden wooden steering wheel

Wooden glasses

StatusKill · Oct 11, 2011

ID89GT said:
Is this guy serious?

Your damn straight I'm serious. I am a status enthusiast. I purchase things based on how others will perceive them. My cabriolet makes others green with envy (yourself included). This thread is proof.

StatusKill · Oct 11, 2011

2011_Ram_RT said:
With some fine Corinthian leather.........and some Ostrich floor mats. Or take the ****er back to Hertz and GTFO

Not that you would understand, but status rule #138 states: "If Mr. And Mrs. Camry can not see it or tell the difference from ten feet away you gain no status".

Oh, by the way, my man servant said he was not interested in meeting you. Apparently people that drive work trucks are below even him. I pay him eight dollars a day, he buys my lunch, and he lives in a hole that I made him dig last Christmas Eve. Savvy?

StatusKill · Oct 11, 2011

streethorse said:
He aint gonna leave so Im tryin to help him out.

Status I have found the pipe for you! Very elegant with a hint of matching
Blue to compliment your awesome F'n V6. You know what I mean.....
A little bit of that Kentucky Gold to compliment the Moonshine Still I
suggested earlier. Its a medical issue so its all legal...
This will help you get over your excessive compulsive obsession
with what you call...."Status"

I have a hearty appetite for "the devils lettuce". I can't help it; even comes before my status. Sadly it is still illegal here in Kentucky, a state that ten years ago I could have easily made an argument for having some of the best green tobacco.

That is a beautiful smoking apparatus you posted, but as I mentioned earlier I have plenty of glass pipes to accomidate that smoking habit. Thanks anyway. You have been very helpful to me during my quest for status.

N8Dogg98 · Oct 11, 2011

Have you considered purchasing a leather perch for your dog to sit in the front seat? I would also suggest a manila suit along with a top hat for your trophy maltese. If that dog is going to ride with you he/she should also display great status!

StatusKill · Oct 11, 2011

N8Dogg98 said:
Have you considered purchasing a leather perch for your dog to sit in the front seat? I would also suggest a manila suit along with a top hat for your trophy maltese. If that dog is going to ride with you he/she should also display great status!

My trophy grade, pure bred, status laden teacup Maltese accompanies me every where I go. Small, expensive toy breeds are the most status laden type of dog anyone can own. It has been proven that the Maltese is one of the most pretentious dogs on the market.

I like to carry Jack-Bo my Maltese around the mall as I shop. The "Lesser Dog Owner Status Kill" is one of my absolute favorite. I have Jack-Bo perfectly trained to make her "cute face" every time we pass the owner of a Golden Retriever, Pug, Rotweiler, Pit Bull, Lab, etc, etc, etc owner. Works like a charm every time. If I can afford to spend well over $1000 on a dog as well as several 100 in grooming, food, medication, toys, clothes, etc I must be rich, right?

It should also be noted that female Maltese are considerably more expensive than their male counterparts. Why? Don't know and don't care.

It is interesting, however, that you raise the question of Jack-Bo wearing a hat. How would it make you feel if I bought her a matching, hand woven from exotic materials, Tommy Bahama safari hat? What about a Lion's head pipe?

Here is a picture of Jack-Bo's perfect face for reference. If you need more pictures let me know.

'13_ImpactBlue_GT · Oct 11, 2011

Have you also considered getting a gold plated spoon to feed your trophy maltese, after all.........nothing says Great Status like a gold plated spoon.

N8Dogg98 · Oct 11, 2011

Gold plating is for peons a solid gold spoon would be expected.

N8Dogg98 · Oct 11, 2011

Ah yes a matching hat and pipe would be most appropriate.

Looking for a pretentious hat to wear while driving my cabriolet

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