Another Stupid Story, Same Place, Different Auto Show

CarMichael Angelo

Nobody appreciates me..I'm gonna cut my ear off
SN Certified Technician
Nov 29, 1999
11,697
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61
Birmingham, al
m.imdb.com
So,....The last time I was in this place, I had the red car, and it was in the World of Wheels. I told you guys about that. Now, because I'm a BMW "genius", my job description has me working all four days of the International Auto show here in Birmingham.
The first thing that bears talking about is participation.

Not all manufacturers support every leg of the show as it makes the rounds across the US. BMW is one of them.

The big three US, and the big three Japanese, and the two Koreans do however, so here is what you are up against.

Ford and Lincoln, Chevrolet, Chrysler, Nissan and Infiniti, Toyota and Lexus, Honda and Acura, And Hyundai and Kia all have massive, corporate booths. With all kinds of gigandor signage and pretty, corporate "product specialists" walking around in tight skirts w/ ipads to tell you all about the car you may be looking at. Even though there is a "rule" that mandates that the batteries be disconnected, all of the above named mfg's have their cars on pwr inverters so that the vehicle electronics still work. Additionally, most of them have their parking lights illuminated to add to the bling.

Of the mfgs that I named, they are all there to play. They have announcers in suits walking around with a microphone amplified through their respective venues, telling anyone that may be interested all about the key features of their vehicles.

Wanna see a Scat Pack Challenger? It's there. Or how about a Hellcat? It's there too Both cars sitting on their "thrones" that probably required it's own 18 wheeler to bring it there. Chevrolet came big, Everything in the fleet is there. The only thing Ford is missing is the new 500k GT,...but they do have a dedicated venue with one of their new tiny three cylinders (like a 1L) completely disassembled to show how well that little mite is built.

Acura has the new NSX sitting all surrounded in it's own aluminum guard "cage", and all you can do is just look at the thing. But every other car is open for sampling.

Europe,....on the other hand. stayed home.

If you are MB, BMW, Porsche, Jaguar, Land rover, or Volvo the Bham venue isn't big enough to bother with. If there is going to be a "presence" at the show from any of these mfg's, it's up to the individual dealerships to bring the cars. ( and if you just happen to make a car where the last letter ends in "i",.....you don't even do that) And those individual dealers, don't even try to compete with the corporately sponsored competition. (who can blame them?)

What that leaves you with are some of the most expensive cars in the world,....sitting dark (because the batteries are disconnected) w/o signage, or brochures (because the dealership doesn't want to hand out their limited supply to people that would never have a prayer of ever buying one) and instead of a pretty little thing wearing a tight skirt walking around w/ an ipad, or a guy in a suit booming out specs over a PA system,......

They have me. A freakin new guy who has barely been there three weeks.

No suit.
No Microphone (good thing,.....the words "I'm not sure" don't need amplification.)

No skirt.
No ipad.

( I guess I could,...but it'd probably make my butt look big)

So there you are,.......Standing in the middle of your little Island of misfit toys,.....Thursday is opening day.

What do you get?

Crotchety old retirees,....walking around cause they got nothing but time, looking at the stickers, and sniffing. Bus loads of school kids doing their damnedest to sit their little butts in every car they can regardless of what it is.

And then,.....Just when I thought I wasn't going to have anything to talk about, in walks Shaniqua, with her three raging around children, Thing 1, thing 2, and thing 3. Each child about 9 months apart, ages starting at about,......5.

The I-8 is sitting in the middle of our space, diagonally parked with the scissor doors open. Our dealership had the forethought to come up with the ingenious method of keeping people out of the car by stringing a 2" wide piece of painters tape across each door opening, with a photocopied piece of white 8 x 11.5" paper asking people (and thanking them afterward) not to touch.

I'm in the corner of the venue talking to a guy ,when I here this blood curdling scream of a child, and I turn to see Shaniqua in full on correction mode. Evidently, Thing 1 had pulled the tape off and had climbed in. Shaniqua was yanking him out when Thing 3, (who had been chasing thing 2 around the I-8) discovered that the front leading edge of the I-8's scissor door was exactly the same height as thing 3's forehead.

He runs squarely into it, and firmly cracks himself right above his eyes.

He immediately lays on the floor, and starts wailing. Shaniqua, has managed to drag 1 out of the car, and now 3 is laying next to 150k of German Hybrid flopping around on the ground acting like he's dying.

Shaniqua makes her best scary mom face,(the kind where her bottom teeth were all you could see) and with her other free hand, yanks 3 off the floor and tells him to be quiet. She schools him (loudly) if he hadn't been running around acting a damn fool, he wouldn't have whacked himself in the damn head. No concern for whether or not he was bleeding,...(certainly no concern for the front edge of the I-8 door, covered in aluminum that is about as thick as a beer can) and off she goes,...Thing 2 the only one of the three in compliance...for whatever reason. After all, it's not like she had another hand,......What was to stop him from just running amok?

I still got two more days of this, so I'm sure that the instance for another event will present itself. But notoriously, Saturday night, and Sunday are busy days,.....so who knows?
 
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Noobz347

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I have discovered through many pilgrimages to the land of Walmart, that home video and audio do the majority of parenting at home (please try and recall the small people who stalked you as you configured home entertainment systems). We lack the technology to inexpensively beam this media directly into their brains to keep them sedated. The parental unit in these scenarios is not adequately trained to deal with these encounters. They also lack practical experience in responding to the situation correctly.

What remains is a combination of embarrassment combined with ineptitude that is in turn combined with a need to display a capability that does not exist. This display is meant to confuse spectators into thinking that this behavior of her children is an extraordinary event despite her consistent and steadfast efforts to the contrary.

I for one, am fooled every time. :(
 
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skyline247

Advanced Member
Jul 28, 2014
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Sounds similar to our local auto show. I'm sure you must have had a hard time containing your excitement. [emoji57]

You say you didn't have a suit but did you at least have a t shirt or something with the word "genius" on it?

Sent from my Nexus 6 using Tapatalk
 

CarMichael Angelo

Nobody appreciates me..I'm gonna cut my ear off
SN Certified Technician
Nov 29, 1999
11,697
12,611
234
61
Birmingham, al
m.imdb.com
Sounds similar to our local auto show. I'm sure you must have had a hard time containing your excitement. [emoji57]

You say you didn't have a suit but did you at least have a t shirt or something with the word "genius" on it?

Sent from my Nexus 6 using Tapatalk
I have a suit, It isn't required at our dealership. Genius wear is business casual My Actual logo'd shirts are still forthcoming.

This is what is on our polo's, and button down's:
rbgsiCRF_400x400.jpg
 
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Davedacarpainter

I think I've messed my pants
SN Certified Technician
Nov 28, 2015
11,378
10,458
193
57
Discordia
So,....The last time I was in this place, I had the red car, and it was in the World of Wheels. I told you guys about that. Now, because I'm a BMW "genius", my job description has me working all four days of the International Auto show here in Birmingham.
The first thing that bears talking about is participation.

Not all manufacturers support every leg of the show as it makes the rounds across the US. BMW is one of them.

The big three US, and the big three Japanese, and the two Koreans do however, so here is what you are up against.

Ford and Lincoln, Chevrolet, Chrysler, Nissan and Infiniti, Toyota and Lexus, Honda and Acura, And Hyundai and Kia all have massive, corporate booths. With all kinds of gigandor signage and pretty, corporate "product specialists" walking around in tight skirts w/ ipads to tell you all about the car you may be looking at. Even though there is a "rule" that mandates that the batteries be disconnected, all of the above named mfg's have their cars on pwr inverters so that the vehicle electronics still work. Additionally, most of them have their parking lights illuminated to add to the bling.

Of the mfgs that I named, they are all there to play. They have announcers in suits walking around with a microphone amplified through their respective venues, telling anyone that may be interested all about the key features of their vehicles.

Wanna see a Scat Pack Challenger? It's there. Or how about a Hellcat? It's there too Both cars sitting on their "thrones" that probably required it's own 18 wheeler to bring it there. Chevrolet came big, Everything in the fleet is there. The only thing Ford is missing is the new 500k GT,...but they do have a dedicated venue with one of their new tiny three cylinders (like a 1L) completely disassembled to show how well that little mite is built.

Acura has the new NSX sitting all surrounded in it's own aluminum guard "cage", and all you can do is just look at the thing. But every other car is open for sampling.

Europe,....on the other hand. stayed home.

If you are MB, BMW, Porsche, Jaguar, Land rover, or Volvo the Bham venue isn't big enough to bother with. If there is going to be a "presence" at the show from any of these mfg's, it's up to the individual dealerships to bring the cars. ( and if you just happen to make a car where the last letter ends in "i",.....you don't even do that) And those individual dealers, don't even try to compete with the corporately sponsored competition. (who can blame them?)

What that leaves you with are some of the most expensive cars in the world,....sitting dark (because the batteries are disconnected) w/o signage, or brochures (because the dealership doesn't want to hand out their limited supply to people that would never have a prayer of ever buying one) and instead of a pretty little thing wearing a tight skirt walking around w/ an ipad, or a guy in a suit booming out specs over a PA system,......

They have me. A freakin new guy who has barely been there three weeks.

No suit.
No Microphone (good thing,.....the words "I'm not sure" don't need amplification.)

No skirt.
No ipad.

( I guess I could,...but it'd probably make my butt look big)

So there you are,.......Standing in the middle of your little Island of misfit toys,.....Thursday is opening day.

What do you get?

Crotchety old retirees,....walking around cause they got nothing but time, looking at the stickers, and sniffing. Bus loads of school kids doing their damnedest to sit their little butts in every car they can regardless of what it is.

And then,.....Just when I thought I wasn't going to have anything to talk about, in walks Shaniqua, with her three raging around children, Thing 1, thing 2, and thing 3. Each child about 9 months apart, ages starting at about,......5.

The I-8 is sitting in the middle of our space, diagonally parked with the scissor doors open. Our dealership had the forethought to come up with the ingenious method of keeping people out of the car by stringing a 2" wide piece of painters tape across each door opening, with a photocopied piece of white 8 x 11.5" paper asking people (and thanking them afterward) not to touch.

I'm in the corner of the venue talking to a guy ,when I here this blood curdling scream of a child, and I turn to see Shaniqua in full on correction mode. Evidently, Thing 1 had pulled the tape off and had climbed in. Shaniqua was yanking him out when Thing 3, (who had been chasing thing 2 around the I-8) discovered that the front leading edge of the I-8's scissor door was exactly the same height as thing 3's forehead.

He runs squarely into it, and firmly cracks himself right above his eyes.

He immediately lays on the floor, and starts wailing. Shaniqua, has managed to drag 1 out of the car, and now 3 is laying next to 150k of German Hybrid flopping around on the ground acting like he's dying.

Shaniqua makes her best scary mom face,(the kind where her bottom teeth were all you could see) and with her other free hand, yanks 3 off the floor and tells him to be quiet. She schools him (loudly) if he hadn't been running around acting a damn fool, he wouldn't have whacked himself in the damn head. No concern for whether or not he was bleeding,...(certainly no concern for the front edge of the I-8 door, covered in aluminum that is about as thick as a beer can) and off she goes,...Thing 2 the only one of the three in compliance...for whatever reason. After all, it's not like she had another hand,......What was to stop him from just running amok?

I still got two more days of this, so I'm sure that the instance for another event will present itself. But notoriously, Saturday night, and Sunday are busy days,.....so who knows?
Damn Mike! That sounds like some serious fun!!

Funny post though, try not to kill anyone....