I figured you were serious but the comment about making sure I film it had me briefly skeptical, lol. Thanks for the detailed explanation though.
So here’s the latest...yesterday, I jumped the fox with my other car. It started up fine and I let it run for a few minutes. Then I turned it off and was able to start it again. Next time I tried to start it, it wouldn’t turn over. So I pulled the battery again, hooked it up to the charger, and let it charge over night. Today I put the battery in and it fired right up. I let it run for a while, then my wife and I took it for a short drive around the neighborhood. After I pulled into the garage, I turned it off and then turned it back on a couple more times. I will probably try again in a little bit to see if it is holding a charge.
Haven’t run any of the other tests suggested yet but will if the battery dies again (assuming that means the vanity mirrors theory was incorrect).