Official Joke Thread

[SeventyMach1]

Well .... the old one seems to be deleted. At least I can't find it. This will be different without Danny .... he had some good ones.


Fishing Story


Saturday morning I got up early, put on my long johns and dressed quietly. I made a lunch, grabbed the dog and went to the garage to hook up the boat to the truck and down the driveway I went. Coming out of the garage rain is pouring down; it is like a torrential downpour. There is snow mixed in with the rain, and the wind is blowing 50 mph. Minutes later, I returned to the garage. I came back into the house and turned the TV to the weather channel. I find it's to be bad weather all day long, so I put the boat back in the garage, quietly undressed and slipped back into bed. There I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible." To which she sleepily replies, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that s***?"

 

[Guero]

got caught.

 

[super302]

Why did Justin walk around the desert for 10 years.....he heard somebody dropped a penny!

 

[xkuntrycowboyx]

im not a mean guy, or racist or anything of the sort.... soo are racial jokes gonna upset anyone??? cuz theres just some that are funny.
but im not sayin nothing if it's gonna offend anyone...

alsoo..??? dead baby jokes or not???

 

[nmcgrawj]

im not a mean guy, or racist or anything of the sort.... soo are racial jokes gonna upset anyone??? cuz theres just some that are funny.
but im not sayin nothing if it's gonna offend anyone...

alsoo..??? dead baby jokes or not???

Well Joe made a point on here once...that his little girls are with him sometimes when is on the forums. So...some things might not be "ok". Cause it seems its steered towards being a family site. And if 5 guys come in a say "yea GO FOR IT!" and someone with a bad experience with something is the 6th guy that comes in right after you posts...he/she might get upset.

So i dunno, use your own judgement. I personally would try to stay neutral....but all in all i think we all know its in good fun. :SNSign:

 

[BlownFiveLiter]

Leroy and Jasper have been promoted from Privates to Sergeants. Not long after, they're out for a walk and Leroy says, "Hey, Jasper, there's the Officer's Club. Let's you and me stop in."

"But we're Privates," protests Jasper.

"We're Sergeants now," says Leroy, pulling him inside. "Now, Jasper, I'm gonna sit down and have me a drink."

"But we're Privates," says Jasper.

"Are you blind?" asks Leroy, pointing at his stripes. "We're Sergeants now."

So they have their drink, and pretty soon a hooker comes up to Leroy. "You're cute" she says. "And I'd like to screw you, but I've got a bad case of gonorrhea." Leroy pulls his friend to the side and whispers, "Jasper, go look in the dictionary and see what 'gonorrhea' means. If it's okay, give me the okay sign."

So Jasper goes to look it up, comes back, and gives Leroy the big okay sign.

Three weeks later Leroy is laid up in the infirmary with a terrible case of gonorrhea. "Jasper," he says, "Why'd you give me the okay?"

"Well, Leroy, in the dictionary, it said gonorrhea affects only the privates." He points to his stripes. "But we're Sergeants now!"

 

[BlownFiveLiter]

A drunk walks out of a bar with a key in his hand and is stumbling back and forth.

A cop on the beat sees him and approaches "Can I help you sir?"

"Yessh! Ssssomebody ssstole my carrr" the man
replies.

The cop asks "Where was your car the last time you saw it?"

"It wasss on the end of thisshh key," the man replies.

About that time the cop looks down and sees the
man's weiner hanging out of his fly for all the world to see...

He asks the man "Sir are you aware that you are exposing yourself?"

Momentarily confused, the drunk looks down at his
Crotch and without missing a beat blurts out...

"Holy ****!!!!! My girlfriend's gone, too!!!!!"

 

[BlownFiveLiter]

A flat-chested young lady went to Dr. Smith about enlarging her tiny breasts. Dr. Smith advised her, "Every day after your shower rub your chest and say, "Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger boobies."
She did this faithfully for several months and it worked! She grew terrific D-cup boobs! One morning she was running late, got on the bus and in a panic realised she had forgotten her morning ritual.

Frightened she might lose her lovely boobs if she didn't recite the little rhyme, she stood right there in the middle aisle of the bus closed her eyes and said, "Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger boobies."

A guy sitting nearby looked at her, "By any chance, are you a patient of Dr. Smith's?" "Why, yes I am... How did you know?" He leaned closer, winked and whispered, "Hickory dickory dock..."

 

[BlownFiveLiter]

A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away. As the pallbearers are carrying out the casket, they accidentally bump into a wall. Hearing a faint moan from inside, the woman’s husband opens the casket and finds that his wife is actually alive!
She dies again 10 years later, at which point her husband has to go through another funeral. This time when the pallbearers carry the casket toward the door, the husband yells out, “Watch out for that f'ing wall!”