The StangNet Joke Thread

[FinnPreston]

Hey, fellas! I've created this thread for us to share a few full-hearted laughs, something to lighten up the day when the going gets rough or you just needed something to pick you up from a gloomy day. Let me start this up with a few shorts:

Scientists finally found out, how much sleep humans exactly need..

...just five more minutes.

 

[FinnPreston]

So this bear walks into a bar.

The bear says, "I'll have……………………………………………………………………………………………………… a beer."

Bartender says, "Hey bear, why the big pause?"

 

[FinnPreston]

My friends made fun of me because they found out that my girlfriend is imaginary..

Jokes on them, they're imaginary too.

 

[Ronin38]

Why do clowns get in so many fights?
Because they look at people funny.

 

[rbohm]

a sodium atom walks into a bar, goes over to a chloride atom and they get into a fight. both are arrested for assault.

two men walk into a bar, the third man ducked.

an atom was talking to the bar tender, and the bar tender asked him what was wrong, the atom said i think i lost an electron, the bartender asked are you sure? the atom said yes i am positive.

 

[IIGood]

Two muffins are in an oven. One muffin exclaims to the other, "Man it's hot in here!" The second muffin looks at the first and says "Oh my God! A talking muffin!!"

 

[donaldFom]

Three conspiracy theorist walk into a bar. You can't tell me that's a coincidence.

 

[Davedacarpainter]

Where do you take a sick boat? The doc

 

[Jinx]

What's blue and smells like red paint?


Blue paint.

 

[Noobz347]

That's dumb. How can red paint smell like blue paint?

I hate this thread

 

[Ronin38]

Well how am I supposed to eat my soup if I don't have an envelope?

 

[Noobz347]

Well how am I supposed to eat my soup if I don't have an envelope?

Simple. Put a cork on the end of your fork so you don't get poked with the tines.

 

[Ronin38]

Simple. Put a cork on the end of your fork so you don't get poked with the tines.

Ain't nobody gonna fork my cork, mang!

 

[rbohm]

Prime Minister Cameron and President Obama are sitting in a bar.

A guy walks in and asks the barman,

'Isn't that Cameron and Obama sitting over there?'

The bartender says,

'Yep, that's them.'

So the guy walks over and says,

'Wow, this is a real honor!

What are you guys doing in here?'

Cameron says,

'We're planning WW III.'

The guy says, 'Really?

What's going to happen?'

Obama says,

'Well, we're going to kill 140 million Muslims and one blonde with big ####.'

The guy exclaimed,

'A blonde with big ####?
Why kill a blonde with big ####?'

Cameron turns to Obama and says,
'See, I told you,
no one gives a #### about the 140 million Muslims.

 

[Davedacarpainter]

What does a dyslexic agnostic think about when he can't sleep?

If there really is a dog.

 

[Davedacarpainter]

A photon is going through TSA at the airport.

The agent asks him if he has any luggage.

The photon says, "No, I'm traveling light".

 

[I Bleed Ford Blue]

When I was a little boy my old man told me " son, when you grow up and get married you'll either get a looker or cooker" The wife over heard me telling that to someone, so she asked me what I got. I replied neither one. I didn't have to listen to her for three weeks.

 

[Davedacarpainter]

Did you hear about the guy that stole a calendar? I heard he got twelve months.....

 

[Ronin38]

If you ever forget my name, just yell "donuts," I'll look.

 

[Jinx]

How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

2 - but I don't know how they got in there.